I’m no prophet, but there’s one thing I always get right. Emmy Sunday is always the hottest day of the year. And the 59th Annual Primetime Emmys at the Shrine Auditorium was no exception.
With temperatures approaching the triple-digit mark on the red carpet, Hollywood’s finest sauntered their way down the line to chat with the hundreds of media outlets cramped in spaces smaller than Muffy’s dog house.
This year, I got lucky. I'm situated in between the E! and TV Guide Channel platforms, so anybody who was anybody had to go through us to get to TV Guide’s Lisa Rinna and Joey Fatone.
Truthfully, it was like being at the best peep show in the world. Let me take you there.
1:05 p.m.: The first sort of pseudo-celebrity to pass by was Carson Kressley from “Queer Eye For the Straight Guy.” Sporting a baby blue dinner jacket, he nonchalantly waves to the one person in the bleachers that acknowledged him. Frankly, it looked to me like he needed a straight eye for the queer guy. The blazer was a tad too tight and a little on the wrinkled side. And for someone who’s 15 minutes are over, he could’ve been a little more gracious to that one fan.
1:10-1:20 p.m.: This is really the most annoying part of the day. All of the camera crews from the entertainment magazine shows get the fans in the bleachers to scream as if something is really going on. It’s not.
1:40 p.m.: I begin to feel the first beads of sweat dripping down my back. So glad I put on a double layer of deodorant.
2:10 p.m.: E’s Kimora Lee Simmons waves enthusiastically to the bleacher bums as she strolls by in a gorgeous purple chiffon gown. She knows how to play the game.
2:30 p.m.: This is the official opening of the red carpet. Christopher Gorham’s (America Ferrera’s love interest on “Ugly Betty”) publicist asks if I’d like to speak to him. Yep, we had a moment once.
2:36 p.m.: Wayne Brady, who plays the gay black guy on “How I Met Your Mother” and Uncle Louis on “Everybody Hates Chris,” arrives with his 4-year-old daughter Maile. It’s apparent she could so care less. He passes by me to go chat with TV Guide. My first snub of the evening.
2:37 p.m.: Rinna, dressed in a stunning strapless white gown, arrives.
2:38 p.m.: Rex Lee, who plays Jeremy Piven’s assistant Lloyd on “Entourage” races by. He looks even shorter in person. “It’s sad, but I really don’t have my own entourage,” he says. “Maybe I can recruit some of the people here tonight.”
2:45 p.m.: “Ugly Betty’s” Judith Light arrives in an off-white cream chiffon gown. OK, she’s now the best dressed. She ignores all the fans screaming her name until her publicist taps her on the shoulder and tells her to turn around. Then she snubs me.
T.R. Knight of “Grey’s Anatomy” races past reporters with two women at his side.
3:01 p.m.: I discover the man who has been standing next to me for about five minutes is Tom Selleck. Out of sight, out of mind, ya know?
3:03 p.m.: Eva Longoria makes her way up to the TV Guide platform. I find myself trying to make out what kind of tattoo she has on her lower back. When I ask her, she says, “Tony knows what it is.” All righty then.
3:10 p.m.: Ursula Burton from “The Office” is experiencing the Emmys for the first time. What does she think? “It’s hot!”
3:15 p.m.: Rinna and Fatone break out in an impromptu dance on the platform. Their producer tells them not to do it again. I agree.
3:32 p.m.: Jennifer Love Hewitt arrives in black chiffon and she wins the prize for the best looking hair extensions of the day. She’s followed by Ali Larter of “Heroes” in a hot red sateen strapless gown. The only thing I can overhear her saying is that she had breakfast with her boyfriend.
3:35 p.m.: Gorham finally arrives. He looks very nice. Who is he wearing? “Gucci, he’s an up and coming designer. I’m helping him out.” Right behind him is his “Ugly Betty” castmate Michael Urie, who plays Vanessa Williams’ kiss-ass assistant Marc. This was also his first time at the Emmys. “I couldn’t even get into the parties last year,” he says. Who’s he looking forward to seeing? Kiefer Sutherland. “I’m a huge ‘24’ fan.”
3:37 p.m.: Third snub of the night: Hayden Panettiere. She’s waiting for Debra Messing, who is fanning herself with one of those green “ET” personal fans on the TV Guide platform, to finish her interview. Messing doesn’t look happy at all.
3:40 p.m.: “Grey’s Anatomy’s” Chandra Wilson drops by to talk about her nomination and how so far her day “has gone according to plan. I’m a planner,” she says. When asked if there were going to be any exciting guest stars on “Grey’s” this season, she said: “Yes, he’ll be coming and she’ll be coming, too.”
“Ugly Betty’s” Ana Ortiz and Fererra embrace. Fererra looks stunning in an indigo blue form-fitting chiffon gown and Ortiz tells her so.
In the meantime, another “Ugly Betty” star — they’re all over the place — has been standing next to me for a few minutes. Rebecca Romijn and her new hubby Jerry O’Connell are awaiting their turn at TV Guide. She went for old Hollywood glamour and is wearing a pink flapper dress from the ‘20s. He looks bored to tears. Maybe it’s the heat.
4:00 p.m.: Tina Fey of “30 Rock” says that it has taken her “five years to get emotionally ready” for her Emmy nomination. She’s also doing her part for the environment by wearing a dress made of “natural fibers.”
Robert Duvall is standing at attention in the middle of the carpet perusing the scene. He seems particularly taken with Rinna’s backside.
4:10 p.m.: It’s crunch time and there’s this big, booming announcement for everyone to please find their seats because "their seats can’t find them." No one stirs. Late-comers like Heidi Klum and her husband Seal, Hugh Laurie, Omar Epps and his pregnant wife, Steve Carell, Wanda Sykes and Julia Louis-Dreyfus don’t seem to hear the announcement and are all talking among themselves. Denis Leary is impatiently awaiting his turn at TV Guide. They take too long and he bolts. Kelsey Grammer is sweating profusely but he takes the time to chat with everyone.
"Entourage's" Jerry Fererra says the highlight of his weekend was meeting the entire "Sopranos" cast on Saturday. "So, I'm good."
4:15 p.m.: Big cheers for “Desperate Housewives’” Marcia Cross as she races into the Shrine in a lovely Grecian-inspired gown.
4:25 p.m.: By now after nearly four hours of braving the heat in a dress that is now clinging to my skin, I watch the mad dash into the auditorium. There’s time for one more interview with the late-arriving Anthony Anderson. He’s got big plans for the night.
“I might not be up for an Emmy but I’m going to try and leave here with one tonight. It just might not have my name on it — but that can be fixed.”
Miki Turner is a columnist for MSNBC.com. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.