IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser.

‘Desperate’ Susan looking to make a change

It might be time to waxLee becomes Susan’s new BFF — if “BFF” means someone who mocks you, judges your decisions and acts disgusted when you think you’ve drunkenly slept with him. Yeah, about that: Susan wakes up with Lee in her bed and thinks they hooked up. She’s confessing to Gaby when Bob comes in to confirm Lee’s story that he stayed at Susan’s. Bob assumed he’d gone home wi
/ Source: msnbc.com

It might be time to wax

Lee becomes Susan’s new BFF — if “BFF” means someone who mocks you, judges your decisions and acts disgusted when you think you’ve drunkenly slept with him. Yeah, about that: Susan wakes up with Lee in her bed and thinks they hooked up. She’s confessing to Gaby when Bob comes in to confirm Lee’s story that he stayed at Susan’s. Bob assumed he’d gone home with someone from the club, adding “When he’s got a few drinks in him, he’ll bang anything with a pulse and facial hair.” Gaby rightfully bursts into laughter. But no worries: Susan didn’t hook up with Lee.

Jackson’s back

Everyone (or was that just me?) cheers at the sound of Gale Harold’s voice on Susan’s answering machine. He’s offered a job in Riverton, and wants Susan to move with him. Susan admits to Lee she’s not in love with Jackson, but she wants to move on from Mike, so she’s moving anyway. It has nothing to do with Jackson, which is typical selfish Susan.

Meet the parents

Joanna Cassidy shows up to give Bree a run for her money in the overbearing mother department. With two crazy matrons, there isn’t much hope that Alex and Andrew will avoid therapy. Bree musters up the will to host a classy dinner, but Cassidy’s Melina sits on the porch chugging beers and smashing cans. They end up competing over where Andrew and Alex should live, so Melina gets Alex a new doctoring gig near her home, where they can afford a house. When Bree hears this, she blurts that she bought them an expensive Wisteria Lane home. And the winner is: Bree.

Unorthodox parenting

Preston won’t tell Porter to come home, since Warren Schilling threatened to kill him. Preston snits: “I’m not going to let my brother risk his life so you and Dad can sell pizza!” Lynette tells Preston she’s going to kill Warren to keep Porter safe, but it’s just an idle threat to get Preston to talk his brother into coming home. Who knew Lynette could be so frightening? Porter’s been hiding out with Grandma Stella, adding yet another element into an already convoluted plot.

For love or money

The downside of seeing again? Carlos realizes “naked people are gross,” and quits his job. Gaby manages to get him a “high six figures” job offer, but he’d rather work with the blind for “personal fulfillment.” Gaby’s response: “I’ve spent the last five years working with the blind. Trust me, it’s not that fulfilling.” She ends up guilting him into accepting the job, working for a jerk named Bradley, by talking about how much the family has sacrificed. Which is a little difficult to buy from someone who lives on Wisteria Lane.

Remember Dave?

In the department of Dave’s evil-doings, almost nothing happens. Sure, he looks like he hasn’t shaved in a week and he won’t take Edie dancing (gasp!) — all because he’s out of his meds. That can happen if you kill your doctor, you know. Edie catches him talking to his dead family, and he accidentally pushes her. He also won’t tell her who he was talking to, but instead tells her to leave him alone. And that’s our season’s big story, folks: Nothing more than a domestic dispute.

How to tell your new boss is a jerk

Bradley: “Why can’t you do your work with the deaf on the weekends?”

Carlos: “First of all, because they’re blind.”

DeAnn Welker is a writer in Portland, Ore.