Demi Lovato's fans expected "Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil" to be filled with painful revelations about the singer's private life — and part one of the series more than delivers.
In "Losing Control, the first episode of the candid four-part series, released Tuesday, the 28-year-old pop star opens up about the events that led to her near-fatal 2018 overdose. The former Disney star also talks about being haunted by the death of her father, and shares details about her struggle with eating disorders.
Here are the series' biggest bombshells — so far.
Competing in beauty pageants as a child destroyed her self-esteem — and triggered eating disorders
"If you look at my family history, my mom has dealt with substances and an eating disorder so I didn't know any different," Lovato says. "Then I was put in beauty pageants, where it's extremely competitive, and it's all about your looks and your talent. My self-esteem was just completely damaged."
"I remember actually making a pact with myself, saying, 'If I don't win this pageant, I will never eat again,'" says Lovato, who's spoken openly about her disordered eating and extreme dieting.
Her previous 'team' monitored what she ate
Lovato's team previously consisted of a wellness coach, a dietician, a nutritionist and others who heavily "policed" her eating. The pressure on her, say members of the singer's crew, was unbearable.
"There were times when I had to spend the night because she, like, ate a cookie," says Lovato's former assistant Jordan Jackson.
Lovato talks about the relapse that led to her overdose
Exhausted from touring and battling personal demons, the singer relapsed in 2018 after six years of sobriety. "I had a photo shoot and I remember being at the photo shoot and just thinking to myself, 'I don't even know why I'm sober anymore. Like I am so miserable. I'm not happy," she recalls.
Lovato began drinking red wine and then called an acquaintance to secure drugs. She later went to a party where she ran into a former drug dealer. "He had a duffel bag and I just went to town," she says. "I went on a shopping spree."
"That night I did drugs I’d never done before. I’d never done meth before, I tried meth. I mixed it with (ecstasy), with coke, weed, alcohol, oxycontin. That alone should have killed me," she says.
Two weeks after her relapse, she began using heroin and crack cocaine for the first time
"I started using recreationally and obviously you can't do that with heroin before you become addicted to it," says the singer.
Lovato said she'd become "physically dependent" on heroin by the time she wrote her single "Sober," which hinted at her relapse, during a trip to Bali.
She later stayed "mostly" clean during a short European tour, but once back in Los Angeles, Lovato was "heavily using" crack and heroin again.
Lovato begins to share details of her overdose
On July 24 2018, the singer met up with friends. After going to several bars, the group reconvened at the singer's house. "At around 5:30 in the morning, I said I was going to bed, but the reality was that I had called one of my dealers over," she recalls, leaving the rest of the story to be told in later episodes of the docuseries.
The singer suffered three strokes and a heart attack during the terrifying ordeal.
Lovato is haunted by the death of her dad, who was also an addict
"We had an estranged relationship," Lovato says of her late father, Patrick, who died in 2013. "So we weren't close. And growing up, my whole life, I longed for that relationship with him and then I resented him because he was an addict and an alcoholic and abusive to my mom," she explains.
The "Anyone" singer said her father also struggled with mental health issues.
"His death was very complicated because we don't actually know the exact day that he died. All we know is by the time his body was found, his body was too decomposed to have an open casket," she shares.
She also expressed regret that, as an advocate for mental health awareness, she "hadn't helped him the way I would have helped other people."
She struggles with 'survivor's guilt'
In the documentary's preview segment showing her in conversation with director Michael D. Ratner, who produced the series through his OBB Media, Lovato becomes upset when Ratner points out that unlike Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and other famous musicians who struggled with addiction, Lovato has made it past the age of 27.
The singer responds by saying that she struggles with "survivor's guilt."
"There's a lot of musicians that just don't make it. And I was very close to being one of them," she reveals.
"At certain times after my overdose where I have said something wrong or gotten attacked or whatever, people will come after me and say 'I wish it would have been you instead of so-and-so. That really affects me," adds the star.
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