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Marnie Thompson loves making people laugh with her weekly "Bachelor" recaps — but when the 25-year-old had to miss Monday's episode, her dad stepped in with a generous offer.
“He texted me and was like ‘oh, you want me to try it for you?’” Marnie, who works in social media production and was traveling for business, told TODAY.
It was a big night to pass up, after all. It was fantasy suite night, for goodness sake!
Luckily for Marnie, 55-year-old Woody Thompson was the perfect man for the job — and he didn’t pull any punches.
“Nick is everything Vanessa wants in a husband,” the Newtown, Connecticut, father wrote in the hilarious post. “Except he doesn’t have a job, doesn’t want to live in Canada, and has two other girlfriends who say they feel the exact same way about him.”
Don’t worry, his thoughts didn't stop there.
“Rachel apparently fears rejection and craves reciprocity for her feelings,” Woody wrote. “So in a way, she’s a lot like France.”
But our favorite part may have been this commentary on a "Beauty and the Beast" ad:
“I appreciate the commercial break because Emma Watson singing to a candlestick with arms and a face gives me a better glimpse of reality than this God-forsaken show does.”
While Woody's post came with a disclosure noting that he was giving Marnie full veto power, Marnie said she didn’t need it.
If he seems like a total pro, it’s because Woody actually watches the show. He, his wife and their friends have a text chain, and Marnie assured us that it’s everything you hope it would be.
“The group’s name is the rose emoji and it’s literally a group of 50-year-old people talking about ‘The Bachelor,’" explained Marnie.
Basically, Woody expresses how we all feel, but in the rational, no-nonsense way that only a father can.