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Chrissy Teigen opens up about depression and 'cancel club': 'I feel lost'

"I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay," she wrote on Instagram.
/ Source: TODAY

Chrissy Teigen said Thursday she is experiencing depression and struggling to deal with the "cancel club."

“Iiiii don’t really know what to say here...just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter s--- in real life,” she captioned a photo looking down at ripped jeans on Instagram.

“Going outside sucks and doesn’t feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I’m handling this now isn’t the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again,I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay. I’m not used to any other way!!”

Teigen also addressed the “cancel club,” which she says has affected her and put her in a no-win situation.

“Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot. Only a few understand it and it’s impossible to know til you’re in it,” she wrote.

“And it’s hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiney when you’ve clearly done something wrong. It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow.”

Teigen, 35, is one of the more active and outspoken people on social media. In April, she returned to Twitter, less than one month after she deactivated her account.

Last month, she apologized for past tweets that targeted model and TV personality Courtney Stodden. The controversy led to Teigen exiting the Netflix series "Never Have I Ever."

Teigen found herself in the center of another controversy last month when fashion designer Michael Costello said he's "traumatized, depressed and has thoughts of suicide," seven years after online encounters with the supermodel led him to lose work. Teigen's husband, John Legend, claims Costello created phony messages between his wife and the designer.

Less than a month ago, Teigen, who suffered a pregnancy loss last year, walked away from her cleaning supplies company, Safely, which she launched with Kris Jenner.

"Chrissy will be stepping away from Safely to take much needed time to focus on herself and be with her family," the company said in a statement on Instagram.

"All I know is I love you guys, I miss you guys, and I just needed an honest moment with you because I’m just...tired of being sick with myself all day," Teigen continued in her Instagram post.

"I don’t even know if it’s good to say any of this because it’s gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno. I can’t do this silent s--- anymore! If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch! Thank u and goodbye I love u"