YouTube star Camryn Clifford shared an update on how she's coping two months after her husband Landon Clifford died by suicide. He was 19 years old.
In a new video titled "Life After Losing My Husband," the mother of two said her life is "completely different" as she adapts to not having her husband around and the responsibilities of being a single parent.
"Going from a two-parent household to being a single parent has been a huge adjustment, way harder than I could've ever imagined and that's even with the help that I get from my family," Clifford, 19, said. "It really makes me appreciate all that Landon did for us. He was so helpful. He loved being a dad. Out of everything, he just really loved being a dad. He was so good at it."
The couple shared two daughters, Collette Briar Clifford, 2, and Delilah Rose Clifford, who was born in May. They documented their family life on their "Cam & Fam" YouTube channel, which has more than 1.5 million subscribers.
Clifford said her oldest daughter, Collette, knows her dad is gone, but "can't fully comprehend the situation."
"One day he's here, one day he's not. She has no idea where he went. She's too young to explain that to, even if I tried. One day, that's a conversation I'm gonna have with her but as of right now, she just doesn't get it," Clifford said. "For the most part, she doesn't really ask about him until there's something that reminds her."
Collette has a Build-A-Bear with her father's voice that says, ""I love you, Collette." Whenever she presses it, Clifford said her daughter knows who is speaking and starts to look around for her dad.
"She used to be very independent and since he left, she is very clingy to me and very anxious and is almost in a way that she thinks I'm just going to up and leave her too," Clifford said. "So if I leave the room to grab a diaper from the other room or whatever, she doesn't know where I'm going, she'll follow me and scream, 'Mommy where you are going?' and grab my hand and won't let me leave her side."
Clifford announced her husband's death in an Instagram post on August 21. While it's been a difficult adjustment, Clifford said the support of her family has been a massive help.
"I have the best siblings. Through all of this, they've been the ones who really put a smile on my face when I did not feel like smiling. And we all just have such a close bond. It's really special to me," she said. "Being surrounded by family is really what we need right now."