Britney Spears says she pretended to live a happy life in recent years out of pride and embarrassment over her conservatorship in her first comments since emotionally addressing the court about her controversial legal situation.
The 39-year-old pop star opened up on Instagram Thursday about how she has endured 13 years under the conservatorship after she told a probate judge in Los Angeles on Wednesday that the conservatorship has been "traumatizing," saying "I want my life back."
Spears shared a quote on Instagram that read, “If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales," attributing it to Albert Einstein.
She wrote that she has tried to make it look like she was living a fairy tale life, when that was far from the truth.
"I’m bringing this to peoples attention because I don’t want people to think my life is perfect because IT’S DEFINITELY NOT AT ALL … and if you have read anything about me in the news this week 📰 … you obviously really know now it’s not !!!!" she wrote. "I apologize for pretending like I’ve been ok the past two years … I did it because of my pride and I was embarrassed to share what happened to me."
Spears wrote that her mother often pretended that things were better than they were when Spears was growing up in order to shield her children.
"Believe it or not pretending that I’m ok has actually helped," Spears wrote. "So I decided to post this quote today because by golly if you’re going through hell … I feel like Instagram has helped me have a cool outlet to share my presence … existence … and to simply feel like I matter despite what I was going through and hey it worked … so I’ve decided to start reading more fairy tales."
Spears' boyfriend, Sam Asghari, shared a lighter side of the couple on Instagram Thursday with a series of goofy videos featuring filters on their faces while flying on a private jet.
It was a contrast to Spears' pleading address to Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Brenda Penny on Wednesday in which she spoke out against her father, Jamie Spears, and the conservatorship that she has been under since her public breakdown in 2008.
Jamie Spears said through his attorney that he's sorry to see his daughter suffering and that he loves and misses her very much.
Spears' fight to end the conservatorship has triggered an outpouring of support for the singer from other celebrities and ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake while also inspiring the hashtag #FreeBritney on social media.
In her address to the court, Spears compared her life under the arrangement to human trafficking, saying that she would not be able to see her children or boyfriend if she did not complete her meetings and work.
"I've been in shock," she added. "I am traumatized, You know, fake it till you make it, but now I'm telling you the truth. OK. I'm not happy. I can't sleep. I'm so angry, it's insane and I'm depressed. I cry every day and the reason I'm telling you this is because I don't know how the state of California can have all this written in the court documents from the time I showed up and do absolutely nothing."
Spears also claimed that she has an intrauterine device (IUD) that she says her family will not let her remove to have another child and that she was given lithium at one point by doctors. She said her father and anyone in her management involved in the conservatorship "should be in jail."
"The moment from yesterday that really keeps making my blood boil was when she told the court her conservators weren't allowing her to go to the doctor to get her IUD removed," Tess Barker, the host of the "TOXIC: The Britney Spears Story" podcast, told Erin McLaughlin on TODAY Friday. "I think that's an issue of civil rights, bodily autonomy."
Legal experts told McLaughlin it's not unusual for conservators to control a patient's contraception because her psychotropic medication could harm a fetus and noting that we still don't have all the facts in the case.
Spears also revealed in her address to the court that she didn't know she was able to petition to end the conservatorship. She told Penny that she wants to replace her court-appointed attorney and hire her own counsel.
Her statement to the court also raised the question of why her attorney had not helped her petition to end the conservatorship earlier.
"It would result in a mini trial in front of the world essentially, including her medical records, expert testimony diagnoses," conservatorship attorney Tamar Arminak, who is not involved in Spears' case, said on TODAY. "Her attorney perhaps hasn't brought this motion knowing it wouldn't be successful, it would do more harm to her."
NBC News reached out to all parties involved for comment but did not hear back.
Spears also asked the judge to let her out of the conservatorship without having to undergo a psychological evaluation.
Legal experts told McLaughlin that it's highly unlikely that she would be released from the conservatorship without being evaluated to ensure that she is capable of caring for herself and taking care of basic daily needs.