Watch your back, Julianne Hough.
"Ryan Seacrest will be mine someday," prophesied 17-year-old Courtney Penry of Missouri CIty, Texas, when American Idol auditions touched down in Austin. "You know you love me," she said, adding a wide-eyed crazy face for effect, "because I love you and I've loved you forever."
Well, we hope it was for effect.
But though she's a Seacrest superfan who can go home happy after getting a hug from her future husband--who no longer has to play second fiddle to Simon "V-neck" Cowell in the hunk department anymore--Courtney isn't going home.
She's going to Hollywood! But barely.
Randy Jackson thought her voice had too many issues, but Jennifer Lopez begrudgingly said yes and Steven Tyler thought she had star quality, apparently based on her ballsy chicken dance. "But we need to kindle it up some," he added.
What does that even mean?!
Oh well, we're having just as much fun deciphering Tyler Talk as we are hearing the backstories and watching the auditions.
Among the 50 hopefuls who made it from Austin: lovebirds Nick Fink and Jacqueline Dunford, John Wayne Schulz, Casey Abrams, Janelle Arthur, Alex Carr, Caleb Johnson, Shauntel Campos, Corey Levoy and Hollie Cavanagh.
Tomorrow night, Idol hits Los Angeles.
(Originally published Feb. 2, 2011, at 6:30 p.m. PT)