Amanda Kloots is opening up about her desire to seek help following the death of husband Nick Cordero last year.
"New Years has been tough, extremely hard for me. I've cried more recently than in awhile,” she wrote Saturday on her Instagram story about the late Broadway star.
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“I thought Christmas would be hard, this was worse. I think it's because when a new year comes you want a clean slate or to forget about last year, esp 2020. But, I can't forget about last year and will not be able to wipe that slate clean.”
Cordero died of complications from the coronavirus in July 2020 at the age of 41, leaving behind Kloots, 38, and their son, Elvis, 1. Kloots wrote that the turning of the calendar is a stark reminder life is not static.
“I also think I'm slightly scared of what can happen in a year, how much things can change,” she continued. “Lastly, I think everything I went through is catching up to me and I am finally ready to go to therapy to address the trauma.
"I share all of this as my continued honesty about grief and loss. How it ebs and flows, changes a lot. How it hides and then finds you. How it's a journey, not just a week. How it's a continued struggle even as I stay positive and active. How you can cry some days for two seconds or for two hours. How it makes you feel so lonely and confused."
"Being honest, acknowledging all of this instead of hiding it has helped me. I hope it helps you," she concluded.
The holiday season was not an easy time for Kloots, but she has tried to remain upbeat, taking to Instagram on Christmas Eve with a pair of family photos, including one featuring her, Cordero and Elvis.
"Merry Christmas everyone," she wrote. "I know this Christmas looks different for a lot of us. It has been a year filled with loss in many ways. I have found that focusing on what I do have as helped me tremendously.
"I start the day with a positive thought and go to sleep counting my blessings. It isn’t always easy, but it always helps. Gratitude breeds optimism. I would say too, don’t wish time away. Time is precious, even when it’s hard. I love this picture of my family last Christmas. It was undoubtedly my favorite Christmas I can remember. Elvis was just six months old, our little Christmas gift from God. We were so excited to be together for the holidays."