YouTube personality Brittani Boren Leach is mourning the death of her 3-month-old son, Crew, after the infant laid down for a nap on Christmas and stopped breathing.
The mother of four boys and one step-daughter has more than 137,000 subscribers on YouTube, where she chronicles her day to day as a mom.
Leach, 29, shared heartbreaking updates about Crew with her Instagram followers, beginning with a post on Thursday showing a photo of her cradling Crew's tiny hand.
"I don’t have any words right now, other than to desperately ask for your prayers. Not the kind that you say 'I’m praying for you/ and don’t, but the kind where you fall on your knees and beg God for a miracle," she wrote. "While at a relative’s house last night, Crew laid down for a nap and when I went to check on him, he was not breathing. We are living a nightmare, and I’m dying inside. Please pray for my baby. This can’t be real."
Leach later shared a photo of herself keeping vigil by the side of Crew's hospital bed. The baby boy was hooked up to a ventilator, which Leach said was "breathing for him."
"They are working on stabilizing his body and tomorrow he will have an MRI to determine his brain function and that will determine the next step. I can’t explain to you what this feels like," she said. "This kind of thing only happens to 'other' people. Not me."
On December 28, she shared a photo of her cradling her son as he was hooked up to various medical devices to help make him comfortable. Leach said that while Crew's "tiny earthly body is still with us," the family knew that "he’s already dancing and playing in Heaven."
Leach and her husband, Jeff, decided to donate Crew's organs, which she said could help save the lives of three to four other babies.
"It’s all just too much. All of it. I know God has a plan for this, but I’m really really mad at him right now. I cry behind the bathroom door while Jeff holds me, because in the room over everyone else gets to laugh and go on with their lives, and it makes me so angry," Leach wrote on Sunday. "Running tests on my sons body to see how his organs are functioning before they take them. Pumping breastmilk just to pour it down the drain. Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping Nordstrom for the dress I’ll wear to my son’s funeral. It’s all too much. I’m sorry to vent, but this is my heart. And I need all the prayers to get through this."
On Monday, baby Crew was given an "honor walk," with hospital staff lining the hallways to pay their respects to the sweet boy as he was taken to surgery, where he would donate his organs to give other babies a chance at life.
Leach is finding comfort in the memories she made with her baby during his short time on Earth. She shared a few throwback photos and videos of the smiling baby boy, including one from Christmas.
"The best gift of 2019," she wrote.