Parents

Mom's post goes viral: 'Stop asking couples when they are having kids'

Australian mom Adele Barbaro and her husband, Paul, struggled to conceive their first child, Harvey, 2, eventually turning to IVF in order to get pregnant.

Now, the mom-of-two is reflecting back on her fertility journey, and has written a candid post on Facebook admonishing others to stop asking couples when they plan to have children.

In the post, Barbaro, who today has a second child, Chloe, 4 months, recalls the times when well-meaning strangers, friends, or family members would question her about when she planned to become a mother.

Adele Barbaro
Adele Barbaro and her children, Harvey, 2, and Chloe, 4 months.

"They would tell me that I'm not going to be young forever or that my maternal clock was ticking," wrote Barbaro. "And believe me, I knew it. I just didn't need to hear it from everyone else."

Barbaro goes on to speak openly about the heartbreak she and her husband felt each month when she realized she was not pregnant and the happiness she felt when she took her first positive pregnancy test.

Adele Barbaro
Adele Barbaro and her husband, Paul, with an ultrasound photo of their son, Harvey.

"But many couples will be trying for years. And some may never succeed and my heart goes out to them," Barbaro wrote. "And what about the couple that doesn't want kids? Or the couple that had a child but can't afford to have another? Or those that have lost little ones?"

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"So, next time you go to say that 'throw away' comment to the newlyweds or the couple that have been together for 10 years, be sensitive," Barbaro continued. "Don't ask them when they are having kids. You never know what's going on."

Barbaro told TODAY Parents that she wrote the post to remind people to be wary of the invasive questions they ask about pregnancy and fertility, calling these "very private topics."

"I can't believe, after the hard times we had to conceive Harvey, the question kept coming," said Barbaro. "Are you having another? Are you going to try and make him a big brother? How old are you now? And, after Chloe came to us, when we thought we were absolutely done and our family was complete, we are still asked about number three."

Adele Barbaro
Adele Barbaro with her son, Harvey.

Barbaro says, regardless of the innocence of the questions, they can be hurtful.

"The couple that doesn't want kids has to find an answer, the newly married couple may not have even discussed it, or the mother that had a less-than-positive labor experience may not have emotionally healed," said Barbaro. "But most of all, it's private and really nobody's business."

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