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Vanessa Bryant: 'My brain refuses to accept' Kobe and Gianna are gone

Bryant opened up about the different ways she is feeling grief after losing her husband, Kobe Bryant, and their daughter Gianna in a helicopter crash.
/ Source: TODAY

Vanessa Bryant opened up Monday about her grief and what it's like to experience the unimaginable pain of losing a child who had so much more life left to live.

"I've been reluctant to put my feelings into words," Bryant captioned an Instagram post of her late husband, Kobe Bryant, coaching their daughter Gianna on the basketball court. "My brain refuses to accept that both Kobe and Gigi are gone."

Bryant said she is struggling to process both deaths at the same time.

"It's like I'm trying to process Kobe being gone but my body refuses to accept my Gigi will never come back to me," wrote Bryant, referencing her 13-year-old daughter's nickname in her post. "It feels wrong."

Bryant wrote she feels "mad" when she thinks about how Gigi, who was a standout basketball player, "had so much life to live."

"Then I realize I need to be strong and be here for my 3 daughters," Bryant added. "Mad I'm not with Kobe and Gigi, but thankful I'm here with Natalia, Bianka, and Capri."

Bryant said she knows what she is experiencing is normal, but said she wanted to be candid about where she is in the grieving process in case there is anyone following her on Instagram who can relate.

"God I wish they were here and this nightmare would be over," she wrote. "Praying for all the victims of this horrible tragedy. Please continue to pray for all."

A public memorial service will be held Feb. 24 at the Staples Center in Los Angeles for Kobe Bryant, Gianna Bryant and the other seven victims of last month's helicopter crash.

When she announced the service, Bryant shared how the date, 2/24, has a special meaning for her family. Gigi wore the No. 2 jersey on her youth teams, while Kobe Bryant wore No. 24 when he played for the Lakers.

Bryant has shared several tributes to her late husband and daughter on Instagram. Last week, she posted photos and videos from a jersey retirement ceremony at Gigi's school and shared how proud she is of her late daughter.

"My Gianna. God I miss you. I've been so lucky to have woken up to see your gorgeous face and amazing smile for 13 years," Bryant wrote. "Wish it would've been until my last breath, Mommy loves you to the moon and back. Infinity plus 1."