Editor's note: The headline on this story was modified after TODAY reported that the original story had an error. Ben Patterson revealed the 'Breathalyzer' part of this story was fabricated.
Ben Patterson, a venture capitalist and entrepreneur in Burlingame, California, is a sympathetic vomiter. He is also a dad. This is not an ideal combination.
On Friday, Patterson posted on Facebook that he was driving home with his son, Declan, while his wife, Stephanie, went out to dinner with friends. What happened next has the entire Internet laughing.
In texts to his wife, who could not hear her phone over the din of a noisy restaurant, Patterson relayed that Declan projectile vomited while he was driving him home. “I just threw up trying to clean him up,” Patterson wrote. “It smells SO BAD.”
Unfortunately, Patterson tossed his cookies onto the lawn of a concerned citizen, who made the assumption that the only reason an adult male would be barfing on her property was that he had to be driving while intoxicated. She called the police.
“Aaaaaaand now the cops showed up,” Patterson wrote to his wife. “Aaaaaaand now a Breathalyzer. YOU OWE ME SO BIG.” (He passed.)
Patterson was finally allowed to drive home, though he complained that Declan was still throwing up, asking, “WHAT DID HE EAT BECAUSE IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTING WHALE BLUBBER?”
The series of pictures on his Facebook page have racked up 94K likes and 154K Facebook shares. Apparently, many parents can relate to the hijinks that result from toddler tummy troubles.
Patterson reported that he left the carseat cleanup to his wife, but she didn’t mind saving him from further distress. “She’s amazing,” he wrote.