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Suze Orman: Help your family by putting yourself first

By personal finance expert and author Suze Orman Now that I have your attention, I have to tell you that the one move that will build more financial security than any other, has nothing to do with money. At least not directly. If you want to make money and make more of the money you have, my advice is to take better care of yourself. I’ll leave the physical shape-up advice to my friend Jilli
By personal finance expert and author Suze Orman Now that I have your attention, I have to tell you that the one move that will build more financial security than any other, has nothing to do with money. At least not directly. If you want to make money and make more of the money you have, my advice is to take better care of yourself. I’ll leave the physical shape-up advice to my friend Jillian Michaels and the gang at "The Biggest Loser." What I want to talk about is how your mindset — your perspective on who you are (and what you want for yourself) — is the driving force in building financial security. You must come firstThe problem — and yes, it is a problem — is that so many women can’t figure out how to make their needs and desires a priority in their life. You think of everyone else before you think of yourself. It is an especially vexing problem for the moms:
  • You can’t imagine saying no when your child asks for the latest video game, or must-have designer jeans, even though you’ll end up having to charge it on a credit card you won’t be able to pay off at the end of the month.
  • You can’t imagine not helping your child go to college, so you raid the retirement fund (or save less in the first place) so you have more money to help pay for school.
  • Your adult son or daughter is having trouble paying the bills during this rough economy so you help with their mortgage even though it means raiding your own emergency savings.
Does that make you the best, most loving and caring parent on the face of the earth? I don’t think so. Let me tell you why: The way you are showing your love actually hurts your kid and hurts you. When you pretend you can afford things you can’t, you are setting a horrible example for your kids. They will grow up and mimic your behavior. Is your dream for your child that they have credit card debt? I didn’t think so. When you put any other goal ahead of retirement you are setting up the entire family for trouble. If you pour all your money into paying for college, what exactly are you going to retire on? What’s likely is that you’ll end up as a financial burden for your grown kids when you are older because you can’t support yourself. Look, I wish it was different, but most of you are entirely on your own to save for retirement — Social Security typically replaces just a small percentage of your work income, and old-fashioned pensions are rare outside of the public sector. Your retirement is dependent on what you can manage to save in your 401(k) and IRA. That’s your priority, do you hear me? Don’t worry, you and the kids can take advantage of federal college loans to help pay for school. When the cost of “helping” a child throws your own finances out of whack, how is that possibly the right thing to do. I realize it is a gut-wrenching time for many families dealing with layoffs and the possibility of losing their homes. But the sad truth is that if you help out for a month or two or three, and then they still can’t make ends meet, they will still lose the house, and now your finances are more vulnerable because of the money you gave them. All I ask is that you all think about whether your temporary help will in fact solve their problem. Might a better solution be that they move in with you; it helps them through this tough time without hurting your security. The best way to truly love and nurture your kids is to nurture yourself. Give to yourself as much as you give to othersI know this may take a little getting used to, but remember, it is always better to do what is right, rather than what is simply easy. If you love your family, if you want them to be everything they can be, you will filter each decision, each action through this vital test: Will it hurt me or help me build my financial security? Is it kind and necessary for me, not just others? When you honor yourself this way you are taking control of your financial destiny. And your power is what will allow you to help and care for others in your life. Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy