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New Jersey grandma’s brutal system for ranking her 10 grandchildren goes viral

It's all about the tough love.
Mary La Morte and her grandson Dan La Morte. 
Mary La Morte and her grandson Dan La Morte. 
/ Source: TODAY

New Jersey grandmother Mary La Morte is going viral for playing favorites. 

Earlier this month, comedian Dan La Morte introduced his fans on TikTok to Mary’s savage “ranking board.” 

“She has a board of the 10 grandchildren’s faces on magnets and she ranks us from one to 10,” Dan explains in a video, which has been viewed more than 2 million times.

“I’m currently at No. 4, this is the highest I’ve been,” he continues. “But I did just get two new tattoos ... so I’m a bit nervous about what that’s going to do for my ranking.”

Dan was right to feel uneasy. After he shows Mary, 85, his new ink, she gasps in horror and promptly moves his magnet to last place.

But things are looking up.

“I’m now at No. 3 because Nanny is excited about being an internet star. She’s giving me credit for that,” Dan told TODAY Parents. “The day after the TikTok went viral, she went and got her hair and nails done.”

According to Dan, his cousin Jacqueline is No. 1 because she bought a house across the street from Mary and “helps her out” all the time. 

“She’s deserving of the spot,” Dan said. "Jacqueline puts in the work."

Gianna, a veterinarian, is also a favorite, he said, because Mary “loves animals” and values “intelligence.” Ariana is always at the bottom because “she’s got a lot of tattoos” and doesn’t call enough, Dan revealed. Jessie was a golden child until she moved to California and now she “floats in the middle.”

“Being married and having a kid will get you moved up,” Dan shared. But if you have a kid and you’re not married, that will get you bumped down, which is what happened to Tanya.  

Dan said the wooden ranking board has been hanging in Mary’s home for about five years and that she takes it “very seriously.”

“Some people are getting upset and saying ‘you can’t rank your grandkids,’ but hey, we’re all adults,” Dan told TODAY. “It’s her way of making sure we check in with her. Tough love is definitely her thing.”

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