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Meet the new grandmother: Ambitious, youthful and yes, sexy

Research shows that modern-day grandmothers are living their best lives ... and it might not be what you expect.
Maye Musk, kris jenner, tina knowles, grandmothers
My, what a big social media presence you have, Granny! Today's grandmothers are bold, powerful and unapologetic.Alexander Tamargo / Emma McIntyre / Earl Gibson III / Getty Images

Most grandmothers these days aren't knitting in rocking chars — they're sassy matriarchs, social media stars and all-out sirens. As Grandparents Day arrives on Sept. 11 this year, it's time to reconsider the role.

Model Maye Musk, 74, the mom of businessman Elon Musk (and grandmother of many), was just featured on the cover of this year's “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue, as the brand's oldest model. Actress and grandmother Jane Seymour posed for Playboy at age 67 in 2018, telling the magazine, “I feel much sexier now than I ever did when I was younger." Grandmas Tina Knowles, 68, Gloria Estefan, 65, and Yolanda Hadid, 58, are still active and in-demand.

And why not? Beauty is timeless and with the average age of a first-time grandparent being 50 and the youngest about 38 years old, many feel younger too.

"The ideology of grandparents is changing, due to medical procedures like hormone replacement therapy and cosmetic surgery," Houston, Texas-based psychiatrist Dawn Brown told TODAY Parents. "These types of advancements are giving elders, including grandmothers, a renewed vibrance similar to how they felt in middle age."

Related: New study explains special bond between grandmothers and grandkids

According to Patty David, the director of consumer insights at AARP, grandparents are living longer, fitter and healthier lives and with thriving careers — and residual energy to spend on grandchildren.

“Many grandparents are interacting with their grandchildren through exercise, travel and social media,” said David.

Is the role of grandfather changing as well? Sure it is. But it's grandmothers who are grabbing the spotlight these days, in TikTok videos and style trends, as the role of older women in society evolves.

Take 86-year-old Patty Davenport, a grandmother of three in Muskogee, Okla., who uses TikTok to connect with her 23-year-old grandson Holden. In 2021 he challenged her to a Nerf battle in a video shared with his 6 million followers.

"I had never heard of TikTok but I thought, 'Why not?'" Davenport told TODAY Parents. "I thought it would be a one-time thing."

That video reached 1 million views and the pair kept going. Today, Davenport has her own TikTok account with more than 833,000 followers who love her prank wars with Holden.

Davenport, who moved to Muskogee to be closer to her family after her husband died in 2011, said TikTok freshens her bond with Holden.

"You're only as old as you feel," Holden told TODAY Parents, adding that TikTok "helps us do more stuff together."

Davenport represents just one grandmother taking TikTok by storm with banter, insights and dance moves.


"There are so many creative grandparents on the platform who are racking up millions of views and proving that TikTok is a multigenerational experience," a TikTok spokesperson told TODAY Parents. "Grandmas on TikTok are cooking special recipes, creating fun dances and playing family games."

It's not just that older people are acting young. Younger people are emulating the style of their grannies with trends like #coastalgrandmother (earth tones and linens), #grandmillennial ("granny chic") and "fancy grandma" (bright pieces). According to NBC News, some youth have entered the post-pandemic “Grandma Era,” with hobbies like crocheting and needlepoint.

Demographic changes also elevate grandmothers.

Noam Shpancer, a professor of psychology at Otterbein University in Ohio, said some grandparents have a large hand in raising their grandchildren. According to U.S. Census Bureau data, 1.3M grandparents are responsible for the basic needs of their co-resident grandchildren.

"The family shape is changing — (there are) more single working mothers or daycare deserts, so grandparents are stepping in to attend school meetings and help with homework," Shpancer told TODAY Parents. "Additionally, people in developed nations are having fewer children, which often means they have more caretaking resources (in grandparents)."

Shpancer refers to the "Grandmother hypothesis" to explain why women are central figures in these "grandfamilies."

"Some argue that the presence of grandmothers leads to better survival rates for grandchildren," he explained. "This led to another hypothesis that female menopause evolved to allow women to raise their grandchildren — because if you can no longer have children, you have more time and energy for grandchildren."

According to a June AARP study that looked at the general population (not just grandparents), aging diminishes fear and stress while increases optimism and happiness.

"Relationships become a central feature and a source of purpose and joy as people age, particularly in retirement," noted the study.

And when relationships are romantic? It's a party.

"More than a quarter of women that come into midlife rated sex as 'highly important' and that remained true into their 60s," Dr. Holly N. Thomas, an assistant professor of medicine and clinical and translational research at the University of Pittsburgh, told TODAY Parents of her forthcoming study published in the journal Menopause.

That's right, sex is important. But "old people" bias remains.

"We live in an ageist society that idolizes youth and sex as a proxy for vitality," noted Shpancer. "Generally, as you age you lose cultural cache. But that may be changing as people are breaking the stereotypes."