Note to Mom: Put on your 'oxygen masks' before serving your kids

From author and educator Amy Tiemann, Ph.D., After all the years I have been writing about motherhood, the biggest challenge remains to get mothers to develop the courage to invest in caring for themselves. Self-sacrifice seems woven in the fabric of motherhood, and on a day-to-day basis it is easy to push our own needs aside. The problem is that the days add up and if we are not careful, we can become severely burned out or full of resentment, which creates a crisis for the whole family. I struggle with this issue myself. This past month has brought one family caregiving crisis after another to my doorstep, and whenever I've told someone what was going on, I found that I would go through a whole list of problems and then at the end say, “Oh yeah, also, I found out I might have a stomach ulcer, and I am not feeling well.” That condition in itself is a significant issue, and the good news is that I did get treatment for it. But in my mental map of the world, it always seemed to come up as an afterthought. When I talk about self-care, I also want to encourage you to pay attention to your lifelong career development. Over the years, most of us will experience many seasons of caregiving, for our children, parents, spouse, in addition to needing care ourselves at times. It is important to learn how to integrate family responsibilities with paid work opportunities over the long run. I have found that mothers need to hear at least three reasons to devote time and attention to themselves. I hope at least one of these messages will resonate strongly enough to motivate you to take action: As a mother, you are a first responder to many urgent situations and important situations. You need to keep your batteries charged because you could face a new challenge at any time. You would want your paramedic, firefighter, or doctor to be well rested and recharged when they were taking care of you, so they would have the clarity to make the best possible decisions. You need to maintain a similar level of readiness — not “worrying in advance,” but making sure you don’t always feel completely overstretched. I have a lot of concern for mothers who are chronically exhausted and do not have a reserve to draw on when a new crisis arises. Building your personal support system when things are running smoothly will also make sure that you have friends on your “speed dial” to call when you need them. Taking care of yourself will make you a better parent. You will have more energy and attention to give your family when you are well cared for and your personal needs are being met, too. If you feel held back by the idea that taking time for yourself is “self-centered,” try turning that idea on its head and ask what it would be like to be a mom who has a “centered self”? Couldn’t she still take good care of her family and herself? Wouldn’t she be a healthier person, and more fun to be around, too? Finally, you deserve it! Being a mom is signing up for a life of service, but it should not feel like endless servitude. The good news is that having the goal of raising competent, independent kids means that it’s a good idea to enlist family teamwork in housework and all aspects of family life. It’s a learning opportunity for everybody to pitch in as they can and make meaningful contributions to the family. And don't forget that taking good care of yourself is a precious gift to yourself and your family all year long. Amy Tiemann, Ph.D. is the author of,"Mojo Mom: Nurturing Your Self While Raising a Family" and founder of the popular online resource MojoMom.com. She collaborates with the contributors to the new book "Courageous Parents, Confident Kids," to lead the way to a new era of empowered parenting. Learn more and sign up now to receive Mojo Mom’s “Top 10 Courage Boosters” by visiting www.mojomom.com.