Jessie J performed a concert last month, just hours after announcing she had experienced pregnancy loss. Now, the British singer, whose real name is Jessica Ellen Cornish, is reflecting on that decision.
“I reacted in work mode. It’s safe to say I sometimes pour more energy into creating an unhealthy process of my own pain in front of a camera, then I do acknowledging it behind one in real time,” the 33-year-old artist began a lengthy Instagram caption.
She illustrated the post with emotional footage of herself singing “Easy on Me,” at The Hotel Cafe in Los Angeles. The video was filmed on the same day she learned of the loss.
"The 'show must go on' mentality reacted before the human in me did,” Jessie J wrote. “Truth is, I just needed to f-----g cry and fall into someone’s arms and sob. But at the time I was alone. I hadn’t processed anything. Nor did I have any idea what I was going to go through not just emotionally but physically after this show.”
Jessie J noted that “physical pain” “trauma” and “loneliness” she has experienced since Nov. 24 have changed her forever.
“In the most, heartbreaking, but beautiful way,” she explained. “It’s put my life into perspective in a way nothing else ever has.”
“I guess I’m here to say to anyone who may not have been told this, you are allowed to be broken. You are allowed to cry. Allowed to be weak. Allowed to be exhausted from the pain and the bleeding and the grief that barely has space to exist. You are allowed to do this however YOU need to,” she wrote. “Sometimes life just calls us to be human. We know there will be sunshine, but we can’t avoid the rain.
On Saturday, Jesse J shared a smiling selfie with her more than 10 million followers.
"First picture I’ve taken of myself in weeks," she captioned the shot. "Honoring all my heavy emotions but holding on tightly to hope, happiness and joy the most."