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Granger Smith's wife dreads watching her kids swim after drowning death of son

“I’m grateful they aren’t traumatized to where they hate the water... I smile on the outside," Amber Smith wrote.
/ Source: TODAY

It’s been one year since country music singer Granger Smith and his wife, Amber Smith, lost their 3-year-old son, River, to a drowning accident.

Now, Amber is opening up about what it’s like watch River’s sister, London, 8, and brother, 6, play in water.

“I don’t want to go to pools, I don’t want to be around swimming or any body of water for the most part, but I grin and bear it for my kiddos,” Amber began in an Instagram post on Tuesday.

In the photo, Amber, 38, is shown poolside with Lincoln and London. All three are smiling for the camera.

“I’m grateful they aren’t traumatized to where they hate the water. I’m grateful they still want to swim. I’m still, and always will be, nervous near any water,” Amber wrote. “I smile on the outside, and tell them how incredible they are when they ask me to watch them jump in or watch them hold their breath for long periods of time, or when they tell me to watch them float face down, when inside I’m fighting the demons in my memories and thoughts.”

Amber noted that while it's "hard to push through," she's determined to keep smiling for her children.

“They deserve to have fun and not have a mom who lives in fear and holds them back,” Amber explained. “I’m choosing to live in love and to keep fighting to heal my heart and theirs, a little at a time.”

Amber and Granger opened up about River’s tragic drowning death during an interview with Natalie Morales on the 3rd Hour of TODAY earlier this month.

“I was 20 feet away,” Granger, 40, recalled. “I was playing gymnastics with my daughter. He was outside of the locked gate with our other son. There wasn’t music playing; there wasn’t any kind of distractions. It was just a quiet, 7 p.m. summer evening. It was so silent. There wasn’t a splash; there wasn’t any kind of call for helps. I just saw him. I turned around, and I saw him.”

Amber reiterated that drowning isn’t noisy.

“It’s just so fast, and it’s so quiet,” she told Natalie. “It’s not like you see in the movies, splashing around. It’s just silent.”

Drowning is the leading cause of unintentional death for children ages 1 to 4, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. There are approximately 300 drowning deaths of children younger than 5 each year in swimming pools, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission.