Country star Granger Smith says he's still coping with 'failure as a father' after son's death

Smith commemorated his 10th wedding anniversary with a raw message about love for his wife and his "deep shame" after the drowning death of his son.
/ Source: TODAY

Granger Smith has gotten candid about what he calls his "failure as a father" eight months after the drowning death of his 3-year-old son.

The country music star posted a raw and emotional Instagram message Wednesday to mark his 10th wedding anniversary with his wife, Amber, as they continue to heal from the death of their son River Kelly.

Smith posted a sweet photo of him giving his wife a kiss, but with a twist as a cameraman hovers in the background in a scene that he writes is "not real."

"What I see: 2 people in a storm,'' he wrote. "Hanging on to God for truth and guidance like a lone fence post in a ravaging wind. I see a girl hurting. Drawing on unimaginable strength just to continue on with necessary motherly duties. Clinging to the Bible like it’s a life raft hurdling through an unknown sea.

"I see a man, savagely battling a relentless demon. Shielded only by Faith and masking the crippling weakness brought on by his deep shame; his failure as a father."

Amber responded to her husband's post by posting the same photo on her Instagram while disagreeing with his brutal assessment of his "failure" as a father.

"All of this is real, raw and so true,'' she wrote. "And I wouldn’t change but one thing. He’s not and never will be a failure to me. Happy 10 my warrior husband. No one else I would rather walk me Home than you @grangersmith"

The couple, who have two other children, posted the heartbreaking news on June 6 that River had died in "a tragic accident." It was later determined the boy drowned in a pool at their home.

They have been open about their grief as they try to heal, with Granger Smith writing that "life is a storm" and Amber opening up about how she is "hurting so bad."

"But we’re still in love,'' Granger wrote Wednesday. "Stronger than ever before, but it feels different in its evolution now. It’s not the fairytale, but the vulnerability that fuels the fire. The very essence of what makes us human...bounded by integrity and truth but still fundamentally flawed...that makes our love mature."

Smith has also resumed touring. He returned to the stage in late June for an emotional performance in which he also displayed a new tattoo on his forearm of his son's name.

Amber has also shared photos and memories of River, while revealing that she and Granger decided to donate River's organs.

He and Amber have found solace in their relationship since the devastating loss of their son.

"It’s always sweet to see a young couple exchange vows and rings,'' he wrote. "But it’s truly special when you see the old couple holding hands on the sidewalk. Because you know the peaks and valleys they’ve climbed together, the storms they’ve weathered, the mature love that’s endured. THAT is the real fairytale."