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How to deal with the most stressful parts of Thanksgiving — from politics to cleaning

According to TODAY.com readers, cooking is not the most stressful part of the day.
More than 950 Today.com readers sounded off on the most stressful parts of Thanksgiving.
More than 950 Today.com readers sounded off on the most stressful parts of Thanksgiving.lolostock / Getty Images/iStockphoto
/ Source: TODAY

'Tis the season to be thankful and also — extremely stressed.

For some, Thanksgiving brings merriment at the idea of getting the whole family together. For others, seeing relatives carries an onslaught of anxiety. Regardless, it's important to make a plan ahead of the holiday for all types of stressors.

What’s the most stressful part of Thanksgiving?

Ahead of the big day, we asked TODAY.com readers about the most stressful part of Thanksgiving.

According to more than 950 TODAY Thanksgiving poll participants, the most stressful part of the holiday is all of the cleaning, with cooking taking second place.

21% of Thanksgiving poll participants said that nothing about Thanksgiving was stressful — and that is something to be thankful for — but other anxiety-inducing situations include political conversations, kids' behavior, travel and the expectations of relatives.

But, what is the best way to manage these stress points?

All the cleaning

If cleaning will trigger Thanksgiving stress, Dr. Shannon Curry, clinical psychologist and director of the Curry Psychology Group in Orange County, California, recommends getting head of the mess.

"Make a list of all the cleaning tasks that go into Thanksgiving each year and delegate as much as you can in advance, from setting the table, washing and drying dishes, to playing with young children so they’re out of the kitchen," Curry tells TODAY.com.

All the cooking

Cooking ranked as the number two stress point for poll participants. Curry said planning ahead to eliminate this stressor is key.

"Designate helpers with shopping, meal prep and cooking," Curry says.

She recommends being honest with those attending your feast about how they can be most helpful so the day is enjoyable for all.

"It’s OK to send out a group message that says, 'Hey guys, I am so looking forward to spending time with everyone. You all mean so much to me and I’m a little worried about being stuck in the kitchen and not getting to enjoy each of you. Could I ask everyone to help me out with one food prep/grocery item/kitchen job this year? Here is a list of the things that I’d love to get help with — please let me know which ones any of you are able to take over.'," Curry says.

Arguing over politics

7% of TODAY.com poll participants said that arguing with friends or family about politics is a stress point this year.

Curry points out that not all conversations are productive, particularly if the topic gets especially heated for you and members of your family.

"In these situations, it’s perfectly fine to choose not to engage in discussions around the issue, and it’s important to remember that there are plenty of other topics we have to choose from," Curry says. "Asking family members open-ended questions will provide opportunities for connection during Thanksgiving."

Curry explains that instead of asking, “Did you see that movie?” try asking, “What was your favorite part?” and to follow it up with another question of “Why” that was their favorite part.

"We all shine when someone conveys interest in us and when you draw out a person’s thoughts and feelings you create a connection and deepen your understanding of the other," she says. "The Gottman Card deck is a free app that was designed for couples which includes a deck of open-ended questions that deepen our connection with others and I love some of them for family gatherings."

Awkward social interactions

Holidays bring together friends and family who may not see each other very often. Curry explains that it can be helpful to determine your goal for the interaction ahead of time.

"In any tricky social situation, there are three potential goals that you need to weigh and figure out which one is most important for you: A specific outcome, your relationship with the person, or your self-respect," she says. "In a perfect world, these three goals would all be aligned and choosing one wouldn’t require you to let go of any of the others, but in most situations where there is some tension in a relationship, you have to choose one over the others."

Curry says this helps us to identify our purpose in any given situation and then act in a way that is intentional and in line with what we’ve pre-determined to be the most meaningful goal for us in the interaction.

For example, if you’ve decided your goal is to have a peaceful Thanksgiving, then you might ask for help in advance, order part (or all) of the meal or simply remind yourself of your goal when you do feel tense so that you can more intentionally decide to “let it go” in the moment. 

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