Olympian Shawn Johnson, who recently revealed she suffered a miscarriage, is now opening up about the guilt she felt afterward, and what she told her husband.
"The day that I was told we were miscarrying, I felt guilty," Johnson said in a video posted on YouTube. "I felt sad. And I remember telling Andrew, 'I'm sorry I lost your baby.' I felt like it was something that I did. I didn't take care of the baby well enough. I was stressed out too much. Or I didn't take the right prenatal vitamins. There are all these different guilts and thoughts and negative feelings … like, I failed my baby."
"I felt like I was (uninhabitable)," she continued. "Like, no baby's going to live inside this belly."
Johnson shared news of her pregnancy and her miscarriage in the same heartbreaking video, posted on Sunday. The retired gymnast explained through tears how excited she was to find out that she was six weeks pregnant. But within hours, she learned she'd had a miscarriage.
Johnson, 25, appears alongside husband and NFL player Andrew East in both videos. In the new clip, they thank fans for their support and share more details about what they went through — including how touched they were by people who shared their own stories of miscarriage.
"I think that's the coolest part … there's been so many people that have come out and shared their stories about, 'Hey, I've had 11 miscarriages,' or, 'I've had four miscarriages and it took me X amount of years to finally have a kid but once we did, it was the best thing in the world,'" East, 26, said in the video.
Johnson also talked about the changes her body has gone through, physically and emotionally, including how she had been feeling sick before she knew she was pregnant, and how she feels now.
"I'll be happy one second and crying the next," she said.
The new video includes tear-jerking footage of Johnson curled up next to the toilet or on the floor of her closet, as East, from behind the camera, tries to console her.
They're scenes many women might be able to relate to — an estimated 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. During such a difficult time, we're wish Johnson all the best!