Parents

Drew Barrymore to mommy shamers: 'The joke is on you'

Back in March, Drew Barrymore bared her soul on social media.

Instead of viewing a job as a necessary evil, a means to an end, she posted that she wants to teach her daughters Olive, 5, and Frankie, 4, that “work is good and necessary.”

She struck a nerve with working moms, and she is one — Barrymore runs Flower Beauty, has a collaboration with Crocs, and a new lifestyle line, Dear Drew. Plus, she's co-parenting two daughters and raising three kittens. Sitting back on her laurels, she’s not.

“I was just speaking so honestly. I just think we’re all in the same boat. It’s just hours and days and time spent away from your children,” Barrymore told TODAY Parents.

Olive has a working mom. So, I came up with a couple of systems. One of which is “THE CALENDAR”. It has been very successful recently. I circle with sharpie every day I will be traveling. And I ask her to mark the day with an X once it’s done. That way she can see that I am gone at first, still away in the middle, and then coming back towards the end. She now has a good sense of my geographic place from the globe. She knows when I am leaving and coming home. I always explain to her that I love my Job. I don’t say “I have to go work” with a grimace on my face, because I fear it will make her feel negative about something a lot of moms must do to provide. My friend once said “never make your child feel like work is the bad thing taking you away from them” and I realized a lot of us tend to do that to try to make our kids feel better and that work is the yucky thing taking us away. It’s a good intention, but I am convinced I need to take a different approach. I want to empower my daughters to think work is good and necessary. And can even lead them to road of their dreams. I feel guilty as hell for being away (and what mother doesn’t?!) But i try a way to empower me and my kids into something more positive. I don't blame work, i own the responsibility. I will be patient when she is upset if i am away. But i wanted to give her a tool, so she could understand and gage life when i am working. Like a hand made calendar. And watching my daughter follow through with as an exercise, is so rewarding. And calming to my concerns about teaching her to grasp life. I also send her a postcard everyday at Summer camp where she walks to a mailbox and pulls out my hand written card. She knows what stamps are. And snail mail. And then she carries them in her back pack. And has even started to write me back. And we save them all in a box. Like I said, I’m trying to balance life to make it as great as it can be, and we have to find ways that are authentic and true to who we are. I tried a few methods at first... and if you ever want to corespond with Olive, don’t face time with her. I learned that the hard way.

A post shared by Drew Barrymore (@drewbarrymore) on

Continued from last post...My face time would come out of nowhere into her world, and it would be so disruptive. Neither of us felt good after. But she’s young and that will change when she gets older. And I am old school. So i figured globes and postcards and calendars are what works for us for now. What works for you ? And to all working Mom's, I salute your valiant efforts to love and raise good kids! I’m trying my very best. And it’s not easy. But worth every moment. And when you find something that does work for you and your family, big or small...Celebrate. Because the next obstacle is on its way! And then we reinvent again! That’s what mom’s do! I also would like to say that I am so lucky for her father. Because as I go through these struggles as a woman and a mother, I also have the fortune of knowing she is safe and happy and loved. Playing and continues her normal stable amazing life with her amazing dad. And not all working mom’s have that luxury. So I say to Will Kopelman thank you for always being the best dad and supporting and enabling me to do what I need and want to do. I know that’s not everyone’s situation. And I never take it for granted. I never had family growing up. And that’s also a support system I cherish every day of my life. I love my family and everyone in it. Because they form these little girls too. And man, did I pick well! I am always so calm and content when my girls are with their family. I see as time with them, and not about that I am not there. Which is also good planning for when a mom is trying to make it out there in the world. For now, I look at this pic of olive and her dad watching an old road runner cartoon. And this also makes me so happy and knocks out my guilt with a punch. I’ll be home soon and be laughing right along side you guys!

A post shared by Drew Barrymore (@drewbarrymore) on

For her, it’s about “how you manage those expectation from yourself and not let yourself be crippled with guilt. It’s grounding for kids to know who’s coming and going. It’s so easy to blame work as if its the bad man taking you away from your children. But I say, it’s better to own the responsibility. Teach your kids that work is your joy and empowerment. Explain what working hours are.”

To alleviate any stress on the children, she and her ex, Will Kopelman, pass back and forth a paper calendar when the kids split time with them. Each date shows who is where, with whom, when, and for how long. It's especially helpful when Barrymore goes on promotional trips to Korea and Europe.

“It was the way for me to tackle the toxicity of my guilt and my fear. Olive is older and very sharp. It’s much more calming to her to know what’s happening when,” said Barrymore.

Closed Captioning
apply | reset x
font
size
T
T
T
T
color

Drew Barrymore on cultivating a positive attitude: 'Bitterness is exhausting and toxic'

Play Video - 1:10

Drew Barrymore on cultivating a positive attitude: 'Bitterness is exhausting and toxic'

Play Video - 1:10

As for mommy shamers who rejoice in second-guessing other people’s decisions, Barrymore just can’t be bothered. She doesn’t read the negative comments and ignores trolls.

"You can never say anything worse to me than I already say to myself. When you’re ready to get proactive, we’ll talk. No one has the ability to be harder on me than myself. The joke is on you,” she said.

Closed Captioning
apply | reset x
font
size
T
T
T
T
color

Drew Barrymore's daughters made her a 'calmer, better person'

Play Video - 1:00

Drew Barrymore's daughters made her a 'calmer, better person'

Play Video - 1:00

She's enjoying motherhood too much to care. It's changed her in a lot of ways. Her new Crocs line, for example, was borne from necessity.

“After kids. I just couldn’t do heels anymore. My feet grew almost three shoe sizes. It was just a game changer. Afterwards, they went back to a size bigger than they were. All my old shoes are unusable,” she said.

Getty Images
Drew Barrymore with daughter Frankie

She’s applying that same laid-back attitude to her her life: Barrymore turned 43 in February.

“I am excited that I am just calmer every year. I get a little calmer. I’ll take it. Perspective and calm are two wonderful things I did not have in my 20s. I was wishing for it in my 30s,” she said.

TOP