For a comedic actor, Dax Shepard sure is embroiled in a lot of battles.
We're already well aware of his ongoing struggle with wife Kristen Bell over the placement of the La-Z-Boy chair in their living room; what we were less familiar with was his battle with darkness and light.
At least, the light that he worries will wake their two children. And as he's learned, there are unintended and painful consequences to giving children totally dark bedrooms.
Shepard, who stars in the new comedy "CHiPs," revealed on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" Tuesday that he'll do anything possible to keep their kids (Lincoln, 3, and Delta, 2) from waking up too early.
"The worst thing that can happen — if you have kids, you know this — the worst thing of owning them is they wake up so early," he explained.
DeGeneres had to interrupt. "What do you mean, 'owning them'?" she asked.
"Well, we own a couple of these kids," Shepard quipped. "We've got a 2013 model and a 2015 ... low miles if anyone’s in the market. All highway. They're gorgeous."
(We're reasonably certain Delta was born in 2014, but let's not quibble. Shepard has been married to Bell since 2013.)
So what Shepard does is attempt to block the light coming into their bedroom windows. He covers the windows in aluminum foil — "It's like they're meth addicts," he joked. Then he stuffs a towel under the door and adds, "They may suffocate."
But all good plans can come crashing down when you accidentally smash your nose into a bookshelf while wandering in a very dark room. "Almost blacked out ... I let a couple m-f-ers rip," he said.
Swear words that the kids instantly picked up on. "Two days later Kristen's walking down the hallway, and Lincoln's in her room trying to get this sweatshirt off — she’s like 3 — and her arms are all bound up in it and she's getting frustrated and she goes, 'Ow! F—!''"
Well, at least they're sleeping at night. We hope.
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