“Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” actress Gabrielle Ruiz has a poignant message for women who have experienced a miscarriage: You are not alone.
On Friday, Ruiz took to Instagram to share some devastating news — and some sentiments of hope — after suffering a miscarriage herself.
“This morning at 3:20am, I had a miscarriage,” she began her lengthy, heartfelt post. “When our OB-GYN gave us the news, I went through all the emotions; shocked, numb, confused, practical, overwhelmed, scared, sad, sarcastic, relieved, frustrated, even the thought, ‘Oh, this couldn’t be happening to US.’ That very same day was also Oct 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day on social media. The stories you all shared gave me strength, understanding and the feeling that I truly wasn’t alone and that this all wasn’t in any way my fault.”
Ruiz went on to explain that she felt inspired by seeing how willingly vulnerable women were being in sharing their stories of miscarriage on social media, and so she decided to share her own.
“I decided to wait a week to see if my body would miscarriage on its own and if it hadn’t, I would help my miscarriage along with the at-home pill prescription,” she wrote. “On the fifth day of this plan, I experienced sharp pains and I just couldn’t wait anymore. My entire at-home pill prescription journey took 10-hours from beginning to end. Veronica and Leela stayed by my side while laying on the couch watching mindless 'Sex and The City' reruns until I fell asleep. The night had lots of broken sleep but when it happened, it was a relief.”
Ruiz and her husband, Philip Pisanchyn, married in August 2016 and share two pets together — their rescue cat Veronica and rescue pup Leela.
"Every step, every conversation, every answer to every one of my questions was overwhelming and daunting. Haunting, even,” she continued. “And every moment, Philip was there. Philip is a great husband, but he’s even a greater life-partner. He was so gentle and caring and held me when I cried. I truly thank God for bringing him into my life. I also thank God for really strong prescribed Ibuprofen.”
“Our bodies are so much smarter than we are,” she concluded. “Our bodies know when something isn’t right and our body takes care of us and our future. Our God knows the desires of our hearts and His plan is always on time. Therefore, if you’re reading this and you got the miscarriage talk or if you’re anxious about starting a family, know that this is a common possibility, it’s no one’s fault, and it’s all going to truly be okay. We truly don’t know how brave our bodies and hearts are until we prevail in the moment, tears and all.”
Studies show that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage, a startling statistic given how quietly kept individual losses can be. Earlier this year, London-based psychotherapist Julia Bueno spoke with TODAY about wanting to change the way doctors talk about miscarriage.
“We need to think about softening the language around pregnancy loss in clinical settings so that it conveys a better understanding of the grief, shock, and loss involved,” she said, adding that sometimes it can be hard to start the conversation about miscarriage because there isn’t a prescriptive narrative about how to do so, the way there might be with other sorts of losses.
“When a friend’s father dies, you ask questions like, ‘How is your mom getting on?’ ‘What will you miss most about him?’” Bueno said. “When it’s a baby that no one knew, it makes the conversation more difficult. If you know someone who had a miscarriage, you can start by saying, ‘Tell me your story. Start wherever you want.’ The miscarriage doesn’t end when you stop bleeding.”