Chrissy Teigen says she is having a rough time as she approaches what would have been the due date of her late son, Jack. Teigen and her husband, John Legend, suffered a pregnancy loss at 20 weeks in late September 2020.
In a recent Instagram post, Teigen, 35, shared behind-the-scenes photos from the music video for Legend's song “Wild,” in which she first publicly revealed her baby bump last year.
“I was 10 weeks along and out of my mind happy. I knew the video would take a bit to get together so thought it would be cute to share our news with the world through the ol classic hand on belly trick at the end. I could have never imagined what would happen over the next 10 weeks,” she wrote in the caption. “Not sure I’ll ever be able to watch that video again without sobbing but I hope he feels my tears and knows we miss him so.”
She also reflected on the difficult time she has been having as Jack’s due date nears.
“He would have been here any day now - if he were like Luna and Miles, I’d probably be holding him as we speak,” she wrote. “I am so full of regret that I didn’t look at his face when he was born. I was so scared of seeing him in my nightmares that I forgot about seeing him in my dreams. I hurt every day from that remorse. This month is a rough reminder and to be honest, I thought the worst was over but I guess life and emotions aren’t on any sort of schedule.”
She finished with a note of thanks for all the messages of support she has received from fans, as well as another heartbreaking message to Jack.
“Love you guys to pieces and am grateful for all your support and love. I firmly believe energy and healing travels through the night sky and I feel it, I promise I do,” she wrote. “And I love you jack. I miss you so so much.”
Teigen has been candid on social media about the process of mourning Jack.
When she revealed the sad news of the pregnancy loss on Instagram, she shared a series of raw, black-and-white photos of her and Legend in the hospital as they experienced the traumatic loss.
“We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before,” she wrote in the caption. “We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough.”
About a month later, Teigen penned a moving Medium essay about the loss of Jack and explained why she wanted to take such intimate photos of her and her husband in the hospital.
“I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell. It didn’t make sense to him at the time,” she wrote. “But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”
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She added that writing about what had happened was helping her process her emotions.
“I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so,” she wrote. “Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories.”