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Brittani Boren Leach honors 1-year anniversary of son's death in heartfelt post

"One year ago I said 'Goodbye for now,'" the YouTube star wrote.
YouTube star Brittani Boren Leach's son Crew died in December 2019.
YouTube star Brittani Boren Leach's son Crew died in December 2019.brittaniborenleach/Instagram
/ Source: TODAY

Brittani Boren Leach is honoring the one-year anniversary of losing her 3-month-old son Crew with a heartfelt Instagram post.

The YouTube star, 30, started out by remembering the last interaction she had with her son, who was found unresponsive while taking a nap at a relative's house on Christmas Day in 2019. Crew never regained consciousness, and Boren Leach said that his organs were donated to other children, saving the lives of two young boys.

"One year ago I held your hand for the last time and kissed your bald head as tears poured from my eyes," Boren Leach wrote. "One year ago I rode down the halls next (to) you as people paid tribute to your life as a hero. One year ago I said 'Goodbye for now' outside of OR doors. One year ago I walked out of a hospital with aching empty arms and a shattered heart."

The caption accompanied a photo of a new tattoo of a cardinal, which Boren Leach said is "a reminder" of Crew.

"I’m strong because I have to be, but today I don’t want to be. Sometimes I cry out to God and beg him to let me hold you one more time," Boren Leach continued. "But God knows my work here isn't done, so he sends a Cardinal to comfort my heart until I can hold you again. Every time I look down at this tiny Cardinal, it will be a reminder that you are always with me. I miss you Crew, and everyday is just one more day closer to you."

Boren Leach has five other children, including infant Cole Dean Leach, who was born in November 2020, 10 months after Crew passed away. She frequently chronicles her family life on Instagram, recently writing about how hard it was to get through the first holiday season after Crew's death.

"The weight of where we were a year ago this week is really hitting me hard today," Boren Leach wrote in a post shared Monday, saying that she and her family had gone on a trip for the holidays. "It was the most beautiful place to temporarily escape to and not feel so suffocated by grief. But unfortunately no matter where you are, you can never outrun the trauma and the memories that come flooding back."

The sweet caption accompanied a photo showing her five other children, and Boren Leach said that they had "unintentionally" left space for Crew in their pose.

"I'm so thankful for these precious smiling faces, and even thought we can't see him, we know Crew was here with us too," she wrote, before adding an edit. "Edited to say that little space was unintentionally left between Cash and Sydney. I bet if we looked through Heaven's lens we would see Crew sitting right there."

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