Alyssa Milano, like many women, blamed herself after she experienced two devastating miscarriages.
“I definitely had this moment of, ‘Well, I’m being punished,' basically for abortions in my 20s,” Milano, 48, told “Me Becoming Mom” podcast host Zoë Ruderman. “It took a while in therapy to realize that that was something that I was putting on myself.”
The “Charmed” actor, who shares son Milo, 10, and daughter Elizabella, 7, with husband David Bugliari, also found herself worrying about her children. Were they in danger because of her choices?
“I always felt like, ‘What if something happens to these two little beings that I love so much? And is there a world in which they’re taken away from me for whatever karmic resolution needed to happen?” Milano said.
Milano terminated two pregnancies in 1993 — about a year after "Who's the Boss," ended.
“I was in the love for the first time, in the breathless way you can only be in love when you are young. It was huge… It filled every part of living. It was a joyful and exciting and powerful time in my life,” she shared on her “Sorry Not Sorry” podcast in 2019.
Milano noted that she was taking birth control when she conceived.
“It was devastating. I was raised Catholic and was suddenly put in conflict with my faith,” she revealed. But Milano, knew in her heart she “wasn’t equipped to be a mother,” and “chose to have an abortion.”
“I chose. It was my choice. And it was absolutely the right choice for me,” she told her listeners. “It was not an easy choice. It was not something I wanted but it was something I needed — like most health care is.”
A few months later, Milano discovered she was pregnant again. She also terminated that pregnancy.
Milano has been opening up about a wide range of topics while promoting her new memoir, “Sorry Not Sorry.” Last week, on the “Me Becoming Mom” podcast, she recalled having flashbacks of being sexually assaulted while giving birth to Milo.
"I remembered at one point (while giving birth) really not enjoying the fact that lots of people had access to my vagina," she said. "And thinking to myself, 'Why does— I don't like this. Why does it feel so familiar? I've never had a baby before. Why does this invasive feeling feel so familiar?' That was just a fleeting moment, a tick in time, but I didn't forget about it."
Milano, who helped bring awareness to the #MeToo movement in 2017, has previously spoken about being sexually assaulted in her teens.