If the scariest thing your kids could do on Halloween is keep repeating the same old jokes they’ve been telling for months, show them this list. These 75 jokes are bound to liven up anybody's dead repertoire!
1. On which day are ghosts most scary?
2. What do witches put in their hair?
3. What do ghosts with poor eyesight wear?
4. What day do ghosts do their howling?
5. Did you hear about the monster who ate his own house?
He was homesick.
6. What do you call a hairy monster in a river?
7. Did you hear about the untidy cemetery?
You wouldn’t want to be caught dead in there!
8. Where does the witch’s frog sit?
On a toadstool.
9. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
10. How do ghosts go from floor to floor?
11. What noise does a witch’s breakfast cereal make?
Snap, cackle and pop!
12. What do you call two witches who share a room?
13. What type of coffee does a vampire drink?
14. What do witches race on?
15. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
16. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
17. What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed.
18. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts!
19. What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck!
20. Why don’t skeletons like parties?
Because they have no body to dance with!
21. Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
22. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
23. What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
24. When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When you’re a mouse!
25. What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Twick or Tweet!
26. Why do mummies make good employees?
They get all wrapped up in their work!
27. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
28. What type of dog do vampires like the best?
29. What’s a ghost’s favorite color?
30. What do you call a skeleton who won’t work?
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31. What can you catch from a vampire in wintertime?
32. What do ghosts like to drink the most?
33. Why did the werewolf go to the dressing room when she saw the full moon?
She needed to change!
34. When does a ghost eat breakfast?
In the moaning!
35. What kind of monster is the best dancer?
36. What do skeletons order at restaurants?
37. What kind of fruit do ghosts love?
38. What did Frankenstein say when he woke up from a nap?
I’ve just had a shocking dream!
39. Why were Dracula’s pancakes so terrible?
He got turned into bat-ter!
40. What did the vampire say when she saw her reflection?
Time to get a new mirror!
41. What does Bigfoot say when he asks for candy?
42. What kind of story always begins with: “It was a dark and stormy night”?
A ghost’s bedtime story!
43. What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
44. Why did Ichabod Crane stop on the road?
The street sign said “stop ahead.”
45. What kind of candy won’t a ghost ever touch?
46. How do you keep a skeleton from laughing?
Take away his funny bone!
47. Why couldn’t the mummy attend the meeting?
He was all tied up!
48. What is a vampire’s favorite sport?
49. What tops off a ghost’s ice cream sundae?
50. What flies through the night, has a black cape, and bites people?
A mosquito wearing a black cape!
51. What are ghosts’ favorite kind of streets?
52. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
53. How did the monster predict his future?
With a horror scope!
54. What did the monster do when he lost his hand?
He went to the second hand store!
55. What do zombies call their Navy?
The Ghost Guard!
56. What do you get if you divide the circumference of your jack-o’-lantern by its diameter?
57. How does a monster count to 33?
On his fingers!
58. Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuums are too expensive!
59. Why don’t ghosts like to go out in the rain?
Because it dampens their spirits!
60. What is a ghost’s favorite toy?
61. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no body to take!
62. Where does a vampire keep his money?
In a blood bank!
63. What happens when a ghost haunts a theatre?
The actors get stage fright!
64. Where do baby ghosts go when their mom goes to work?
A day scare center!
65. How was Frankenstein's birth?
66. What is the problem with two twin witches?
You never know which witch is which!
67. What did the skeleton order with his drink?
68. What do you get when you cross a moose and a ghost?
69. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
70. Where do movie stars go on Halloween?
71. Where is the zombie's favorite room in the house?
The living room!
72. How do you repair jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch!
73. What does a panda ghost eat?
74. Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
75. Why did Dracula go to the library?
He wanted a good book to sink his teeth into!