Along with truth torpedoes, Vatican assassin warlocks and Adonis DNA there has been a new term entered into the Charlie Sheen lexicon: "apol," as in a half-apology.
That's what Sheen offered to former costar Jon Cryer today on the Tiger-Blooded One's latest radio show call.
The semi-backtracking comes just a day after Sheen phoned E! News and slammed Cryer as a "turncoat, a traitor and a troll" for not being a vocal supporter of Sheen in his war with "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre.
Along with the Cryer apol, Sheen sounded off on his rumored "Two and a Half Men" replacement(s) and his feelings about Dr. Drew Pinsky during the oft-colorful call to KEARTH-101.
Sheen began by talking about his recent behavior, bashing his naysayers, and anyone who's called him bipolar or crazy.
"It's winning behavior. All these people are coming out as so called experts, and I have to scoff at their silliness because they've never met the man," he said. "I must dismiss them with the flick of my finger, buh-bye. Sizzle. Losing. Buh-bye."
He then coined yet another phrase: yellow cockroach.
"A yellow cockroach is a low form of a cockroach. It's a coward of a cockroach."
Now that's been cleared up...onto his firing. Again.
"I think they've been pining for this for a long time," Sheen said. "I don't like to lead with opinions or judgments. I don't have a lot of facts about why they made their decision, I don't know, I don't really care. At this point the die had been cast."
About speculation of Rob Lowe or John Stamos moving in on "Men"?
"I've been talking to Rob. He's a buddy of mine he's a beautiful man he's a brilliant actor. And I hope that he does it and kicks its ass because I still get pizz-aid," he said, laughing.
Whoever gets the gig, Sheen has some advice.
"I'd recommend they consider making it their own. Don't look at the 177 episodes that I brilliantly did. Ignore the 400 reruns every week. I'd recommend in all seriousness that they make it their own."
To Sheen's siders, he sends a "giant warlock hug" and he's seen—and enjoyed—most of the spoofs that have been done on him, including SNL's. But apparently missed one done by a certain "House" star.
"Hugh Laurie did? Wow he's a genius. That's awesome," said Sheen. "Those are all warm hugs, an homage. If it's done tastefully and with really smart humor I think it's totally gnarls grarlington and completely bitchin'."
And finally, that apol. Sheen had mistakenly thought that Cryer had issued a statement bashing him, but all he did was spoof himself being unemployed on Ellen.
"I'll apologize to Jon right now, I was in a mood and I threw that out to somebody [E! News]. I didn't know they—well I kinda knew they were gonna print it, yeah I knew they were gonna print it. I confuse myself," said Sheen. "It's a little bit a half apology. An apol. The reason I was upset I didn't get a text or a phone call or anything saying, "Hey, dude, back off, I got your back, or you got my back or there's a back involved.' "
(For the record Charlie has repeatedly told us much more than we've ever printed, and when he's said off the record, we've always honored that. Yesterday, as he admits, he was in quite a mood. He did discuss some private matters that he didn't want made public, which we agreed not to publish. However, the Cryer rant was all on record.)
The apol didn't last long anyway, because when Sheen was informed that Warner Bros. may have a rumored outtake reel of all his flubs, he once again dissed Cryer.
"There's a reel? Poppycock. I claim poppycock. That's the best they got? Wow. Burial. Losing, sizzle, bye. If that's the case, they should review the gag reel at the end of every year—and this is a warm hug to Jon—because it's not the gag reel, it's the Jon reel. There's a little thing called popping the bubble when someone blows a line, you let the air in, you let the audience in, you let the reality in, and so you know Jon's a bubble popper. And it's OK because it makes it fun for the audience," he revealed.
Like he told us yesterday, Sheen said he has spoken to costar Angus T. Jones and that the 17-year-old had an "interesting take" on his firing that he doesn't want to give away on the radio.
The manic star, who claimed to be on his "400th mile" on the treadmill during the call, also confirmed he is planning a trip to Haiti with Sean Penn soon.
"One hundred percent true. Probably soon. I''m sure you'll know when I'm there," he said, adding that he'll do "whatever is asked of me, whatever I'm capable of, whatever I can do to deliver a little bit of faith maybe put a smile on some faces that wouldn't have it if I wasn't there."
And when he learned Scarlett Johansson may be joining them, he instruced someone nearby to "rally the goddesses."
But not before he beats up Dr. Drew.
"I think me and Pinsky should jump into the ring and he should see how unstable these fists of flaming fury are," Sheen said. "Bring it, little man."
While we wait for that bout, we have an update on Sheen's intern search.
Shortly after Sheen hung up from the radio call, we received a press release from the folks at internship.com. They reported that Charlie's tweet on Monday seeking an intern resulted in 74,040 applications from 181 countries.
That's a lot of potential gnarly gnarlingtons.