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Headed to a housewarming? There might be a gift registry

More new homeowners are learning to ask for what they want — with a housewarming gift registry.  But even as the trend gains popularity, general acceptance hasn’t. Many still hold by the tradition that only weddings, births and graduations call for substantial gifts. 
/ Source: TODAY.com

When Michelle Powell, 33, got married in 2008, it wasn’t ideal: The groom carried the bride over the threshold ... to his parents’ home. While Powell lived with her in-laws, registering for items like her very own vacuum was an unnecessary luxury. So years later, once the couple moved into their own place, it was no surprise she needed basic home appliances.

“It was hard to believe what we didn’t have,” said Powell, now a sales and catering assistant, of taking stock of their inventory. After multiple friends inquired about helping, Powell took a simpler, more organized approach — a gift registry. “I’m horrible at remembering. It was easier to say, ‘We’re registered.’ ”

Her husband, at first, wasn’t entirely comfortable. “He had never heard of doing a registry for a housewarming before,” Powell admitted, but she believed it was preferable to making guests play an exhausting guessing game of what her unfurnished house lacked. “[Guests think] ‘What if they don’t like it, what if they never use it and what if it’s something they already have or already getting?’ ”

Powell isn’t alone. These days, more new homeowners are learning to ask for what they want.

“Housewarming registries are the fastest-growing nontraditional event,” said Nancy Lee, president of MyRegistry.com, which provides centralized registry services. The website allows users to announce events with invitations that include registry links — easy functionality that avoids the awkwardness of sending a follow-up registry-announcement email. Most housewarming planners are either former brides and grooms or single people. “We’ve definitely seen an increase,” said Lee.

But even as the trend gains popularity, general acceptance hasn’t. Many still hold by the tradition that only weddings, births and graduations call for substantial gifts. 

“It seems presumptuous,” Heather Kinsey, of Suffolk, Va., wrote to TODAY.com. “Can't your friends just bring a nice bottle of wine or plant if they want?”

“There's a line between celebrating you have a house and getting your friends to furnish it for you,” wrote Glenda Vazquez of Chandler, Ariz., on TODAY's Facebook page.

“NO, NO, NO,” advised Tess Matthews of Whitby, Ontario.

But some homeowners are simply looking to adapt a system that excluded them or didn’t accommodate life’s timing. What if someone decides to commit to their partner without a wedding? What if someone has resolved to live alone? What if you elope? After years of giving everyone around them gifts and cards and showers, are they not entitled to the sweet joy of picking out matching towels and tumblers?

Shira Fink of Providence, R.I., wanted to celebrate her first home with an afternoon party, complete with pitchers of sangria and a buffet. On her mailed invitations, she noted the registry, which included serving pieces, a tea kettle, a marble pastry board and a knife sharpener.

“Critics can say what they want, but I’m a single 34-year-old woman with no children,” said Fink. “I have never in my adult life put my friends or family in a position to feel compelled to buy me gifts like you would at a wedding, baby shower or yearly kids’ birthdays. So why not?”

Shannon Kiley, 37, of Tarentum, Pa., just wants what she’s given others. “I have never been married or had kids and I feel like my friends owe me!” she said.

Ultimately, said Anna Post, spokeswoman of The Emily Post Institute, which specializes in etiquette, presentswill need to come from generosity, not from dictation.

“It’s over the top,” said Post. “People are not going to be thrilled about the gift registry, because it’s not traditional and not expected. To ask for it? It just seems greedy. That’s the reality of how people will receive it.”

Post holds that since there isn’t a standard tradition of how to celebrate such an occasion, it needs to come about naturally. For now, it’s an eyebrow-raiser that might make people think they’re being invited for the gifts. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if in the future housewarming parties became the norm, but we need a benchmark.”

It’s an issue for not only new homeowners, but businesses as well. PartyMall.com, which sells party supplies and advises clients on event planning, has an entire section devoted to housewarming essentials, but CEO Amy Ford admits “we get a lot of questions about this subject of etiquette.” Ford suggests reaching out to friends to host a party or holding a casual “open house” where people can come and go to see the new digs.

“It’s not necessary to bring a gift, but usually people do anyway, but they just don’t feel obligated to,” advises Ford.

Homeowners such as Michelle Powell, however, feel comfortable being frank with friends — and while a bottle of wine is fine, it didn’t necessarily top her wish list. “If we had people respond as not coming because of that reason, then so be it,” she said. “I never required anybody to bring anything.” Powell didn’t receive any negative feedback from friends or family, and if given the chance, she would do it all over again.  In fact, her only concern would be the details.

“Would I change some items on the registry? Probably.”