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Amanda Knox mourns Meredith Kercher in new essay: 'I miss her'

In a new essay, Knox recalled the "beautiful and banal" moments she shared Meredith Kercher, who was murdered in the Italian flat they shared.

by Scott Stump / / Source: TODAY

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Amanda Knox has written a remembrance of former roommate Meredith Kircher on the 10th anniversary of her murder, saying she misses her onetime "closest friend," and remains haunted by the crime scene footage of the slaying and the death threats she still gets.

For Knox, her memories included "beautiful and banal" moments of the time she shared with the 21-year-old British student in Perugia, Italy -- sunbathing on their terrace, shopping for vintage clothing and sipping espresso together.

"All these memories feel both very close and very distant," Knox wrote for Westside Seattle. "Distant, because I have to dig through a decade of suffering just to reach them."

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“My memories of Meredith are buried beneath the horrific autopsy photos and crime scene footage I saw, the slurs I was called, the death threats I received (and still receive), the false accusations I fought ... and slanderous headlines that juxtaposed our names and faces, unfairly interlocking her death with my identity."

Kircher was stabbed to death in November 2007 inside the apartment the two shared.

Knox and then-boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito were twice convicted of the murder and spent four years in an Italian prison before being ultimately exonerated.

"I hate it that my memories of her are buried beneath the years of suffering Raffaele and I endured in the wake of her murder,'' Knox wrote. "And it’s depressing to know that mourning her comes at the price of being criticized for anything I say or don’t say today.

"But most depressing of all is that Meredith isn’t here, when she deserves to be. She is painfully missed by everyone who loved her. I miss her, and I’m grateful for the memories of our time together."

Rudy Guede was convicted of Kercher's murder in 2008 and is in the midst of serving a 16-year prison sentence.

In a post titled "Mourning Meredith," Knox, 30, remembered fonder times she shared with Kercher, before their memories together became a dark tangle of autopsy photos and crime scene footage.

"But despite all this, these memories still feel very close, in part because Meredith was my closest friend in a new and exciting time in our lives,'' Knox wrote. "But I think it’s also because I’ve never been allowed to mourn her."

Kercher's murder began a 10-year legal odyssey for Knox that had her considering suicide in prison at one point.

"There are some people who believe I have no right to mourn Meredith,'' she wrote. "They believe that I had something to do with her murder — I didn’t — or that Meredith has been forgotten in the wake of my own struggle for justice — she hasn’t. Either way, theyfeel that Meredith and I are inextricably linked, so it’s simply not fair that I haven’t lost everything, as she has."

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