The Governator's OKCupid dating profile? Already?!

"Come with me if you want to live."
"Come with me if you want to live."247comedy.com / Today

Get the latest from TODAY

Sign up for our newsletter
SUBSCRIBE
By Helen A.S. Popkin and Helen A.S. Popkin

It seems that no sooner had Maria Shriver and  Arnold Schwarzenegger announced the end of their 25-year marriage than the former California governor clicked "publish" on his OKCupid profile, ready to enter the exciting world of online dating.

"What can I say?" reads the self-summary for (screen name) "TheGovernator." "I'm just a regular guy who was Mr. Universe, The Terminator, California's Governator, and I fought a Predator."

His "details" reveal he's a 6-foot-2 Catholic Leo with a "Cybernetic/Athletic" body type, listing his job as "Actor, Governor, Killing Machine" and his income as "Enough to own a solid gold toilet."

As your keen senses have no doubt detected, this profile is a spoof. You'll find it on 247comedy.com along with the heads-up, "Warning: This post contains movie references from the early 90s." 

Indeed:

On a typical Friday night I am ...

For Arnold, there is no such thing as a typical Friday night. My most recent Friday I threw Sully off a cliff because I promised him I would. Then I single-handedly rescued my daughter Alyssa Milano from an army of terrorists* (*I smoked pot and watched Commando on DVD, coming soon to BluRay.)

Close your eyes and you can actually hear the former "Governator" speaking these very words ... except then you wouldn't be able to read them.

As 247comedy.com suggests, "Check out the screencap below, and see if he's your type." And be sure to scroll down and check out "Similar Users."

And just so we're clear, this OKCupid profile is totally fake, and also funny.

via 247comedy.com

More on the annoying way we live now:

Helen A.S. Popkin goes blah blah blah about the Internet. Tell her to get a real job on Twitter and/or Facebook.