Remember kids, just because someone types something into the computer, that doesn't mean they don't have shoulder hair or a porn moustache.
That's the big takeaway from "vintage" Internet safety video making the viral rounds – "vintage" as in "the 90s." (A fair adjective, considering 1 hour is 20 bajillion years in Internet time.)
"I was surfing the net last night and I saw some things … some things came up that made me feel really lousy," a Slurpy-sucking kid tells his friend (pretty much describing my entire Facebook experience).
"Oh, I think I know what you mean," she replies, cut off by Mr. Authority Voice before she gets to the good stuff, leaving us to wonder what dangers threatened ancient youth in a pre-Facebook world with no Chris Hansen in it. (danah boyd FTW!)
A lot's changed since then. For example, back then predators could infiltrate homes directly through Microsoft Word documents (apparently). That seems to be what's going on when "Lisa" (who is really the aforementioned shoulder hair, porn moustache) messages Sandy, later in the film.
"Of course, today's kids are reading Pokémon tumblrs on their PSPs and posting pics of themselves to Facebook at the same age when their '90s counterparts were still nervously typing "A/S/L?" into AOL chatrooms and actually believing the responses they got," writes Urlesque's irreplaceable Jay Hathaway.
"Internet and Street Smarts is a dated artifact of a more innocent time, but it does give us something we can use today ... a hilarious animated gif." Check it out!
Sigh. We've had a lot of fun tonight, but remember: Internet Safety is serious business. (The more you know!)
More on the annoying way we live now:
- Bronx Zoo's Cobra gains fans, spooks Banff Squirrel on Twitter
- Village Voice: Craigslist sex trafficking scandal based on bogus stats
- Yelp reviewers accused of 'Animal Planet feeding frenzy'
Helen A.S. Popkin goes blah blah blah about the Internet. Join her on a Facebook or Twitter, won't you?