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75 funny puns that'll make everyone chuckle — and cringe

Searching for silly (but stupid) one-liners about food, love and animals? No prob-llama.

Dumb puns are just that: dumb.

That said, you can't help but love 'em because while they might be totally cheesy, we still think they're pretty grate. In fact, they're egg-cellent, if we do say so ourselves. And, should you stick around, we're about to quac your world with even more corny — but amazing — puns.

In fact, from groan-worthy dad jokes to a-moose-ing animal one-liners, we're flush with all sorts of funny puns to keep the laughs coming for as long as you're willing to keep reading.

Along with food and animal witticisms, we've rounded up silly puns about love, coffee, math and science, including this smart (or seriously stupid, depending on how you look at it) quip: "A chemist walked into a couch store and ended up buying a photon" and "Why didn’t the tea go up the hill? It was too steep."

Pretty awful, right? But you can't help but laugh and since you've started, why stop now?

After all, like a hamburger, you're on a roll. So, read on for the very best of the bad puns. Even if you roll your eyes while reading 'em, they'll still give you something to taco 'bout.

Punny one-liners

  • Why shouldn't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.
  • I had a taser once. It was stunning.
  • Know any good rope jokes? I'm a frayed knot.
  • What did one plant say to the other? "Girl, you really got me growing."
  • What's the problem with scientists? Periodically they're wrong.
  • Why do coffee cups avoid the city? They're afraid to get mugged.
  • Why shouldn't you argue with a dinosaur? You'll get jurasskicked.
  • I tried to take a photo of a wheat field. It turned out grainy.
  • I'm afraid of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
  • Why should you wear glasses when doing math? They improve division.
  • I'm happy Ford didn't invent the airplane. It wouldn't have been Wright.
  • Who invented King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference.
  • Why was six nervous? Because seven eight nine.
  • I want to be a doctor, but I don't have enough patience.
  • What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? Yammies.
  • Why did the belt go to jail? It held up a pair of pants.
  • Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two-tired.
  • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
  • I don't trust trees. They're shady.
  •  A chemist walked into a couch store and ended up buying a photon.
  • Why should you stay away from artists? They're sketchy.
  • Where can you go to find a tiny Coke? Mini-soda.
  • I wrote a song about burritos. It's a rap.
  • Can February March? No, but April May.
  • I love math. And then sum.
  • I met a giant once. I didn't know what to say so I used big words.
  • Why don't pirates know the alphabet? Because they keep getting lost at C.
  • How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
  • Why did the thief hire a maid to plan his vacation? He wanted a clean getaway.
  • Making mirrors is a job I can really see myself doing.
  • I wanted to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn't find any.
  • I read a book about about helium once. I couldn't put it down.
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Funny puns about food

  • What did the bread say to the baker? "You knead me."
  • Did you hear about the unfaithful espresso? It was grounds for divorce.
  • What do evil hens lay? Deviled eggs.
  • What do you call pasta with no money? Penne-less.
  • What do you call fake noodles? Impastas.
  • Why do I love cheese? For starters, it's pretty grate.
  • What did one potato say to the other? "I've got my fries on you."
  • Why are bananas so good? They've got appeal.
  • When does bread go bad? When you yeast expect it.
  • Why is bread so lazy? It's always loafin' around.
  • I drink beer when I'm sick. It cures all my ale-ments.
  • Are you a sweet potato? Yes, I yam.
  • Why didn’t the tea go up the hill? It was too steep.
  • What's the best way to make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.
  • Bacon and eggs go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve breakfast here."
  • I went out for an expensive Italian meal. It cost a pretty penne.
  • Did you hear about the pasta that went to a dermatologist? It had a big ziti.
  • Why couldn't the pasta unlock the door? Gnocchi.
  • What did one dessert say to the other? "I'm your biggest flan."
  • I was going to tell you a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy.
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Funny puns about love

  • I love you a latte.
  • Take another little pizza my heart now, baby.
  • You're a-maize-ing.
  • I'd run away with you but I cantaloupe.
  • Can I just call you "Google"? You've got everything I'm looking for.
  • Let's give 'em something to taco 'bout.
  • I love you a waffle lot.
  • You're pre-tea cute.
  • You a-moose me.
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TODAY Illustration

Funny puns about animals

  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?"
  • Two kittens had an argument. It was a cat-astrophe.
  • How can you tell when a cat is happy? When it's feline fine.
  • What did one sheep say to the other? "I love ewe."
  • Did you hear about the matching cows? It was an udder cowincidence.
  • What did the duck say when waiter gave him the check? "Put it on my bill."
  • What did the horse say after tripping in a pothole? "Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up."
  • Why did the rabbit skip school? It was having a bad hare day.
  • What kind of animal shouldn't you give as a gift? I'm not sure, but, personally, I don't give a fox.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey." The horse says, "You read my mind."
  • Where can you find a whale that plays the flute? In an orca-stra.
  • Did you hear about the lamb that couldn't see? Someone pulled the wool over its eyes.
  • Did you hear about the dog that had a bad day at work? It was ruff.
  • I once asked an alpaca for a favor. It was no probllama.