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101 truly funny jokes that'll make you laugh yourself silly

Dad jokes, knock-knocks and corny one-liners galore.
Laughing
Edwin Tan / Getty Images /i Stockphoto

What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.

Speaking of cows ... do you ever wonder where they buy their clothes? From cattlelogs, naturally.

But, enough about cows. If you're curious why elephants have so many wrinkles, it's because no one knows how to iron them. Since we're on the subject, why shouldn't you trust jungle animals? Because, well, they're always lion.

If you like these dumb dad jokes, you're going to absolutely love this collection of funny jokes that are sure to give your dad (or anyone else for that matter) a serious run for their money.

To help keep the laughs coming at the next family gathering or night out with friends, we've compiled the very best one-liners, dumb puns and corny knock-knock jokes to ensure that you and everyone else will be laughing out loud or, at the very least, attempting to hold in a giggle.

Good luck with that, because with these entertaining and clever witticisms, it's going to be next to impossible. And trust us when we tell you these funny jokes are exactly what the doctor ordered to help break an awkward silence.

Speaking of doctors, why shouldn't you play hide-and-seek in the hospital? Because you'll always be found in the ICU.

You're welcome.

Funny dad jokes

  • Why aren't there a lot of jokes about peaches? Because most of them are pit-iful.
  • What's the best way to catch a squirrel? Act like a nut.
  • Did you hear about math book that got a therapist? It had a lot of problems.
  • What's worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
Funny Jokes
  • What do you call a cow with only two legs? Lean beef.
  • Why shouldn't you play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • Did you hear about the cat that aced the test? It got a purr-fect score.
  • Why is the ocean so clean? It has mer-maids.
  • Why did the king go to the dentist? He needed a crown.
Funny Jokes
  • Did you hear about the archeologist who got fired? His career was in ruins.
  • I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
  • Why don't lions eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  • Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock-tor.
  • Did you hear about the ghost that joined a soccer team? It wanted to be a ghoulie.
Funny Jokes
  • Why did the potato leave the bar? All eyes were on him.
  • What do you get when you cross a guitar, drums and a car tire? A rubber band.
  • Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the course? In case he got a hole in one.
  • Why did the boy wear his coat to dinner? Because chili was on the menu.
  • Did you hear about the baseball player who got arrested? He stole second base.
Funny Jokes
  • Why aren't kids allowed to see pirate movies? They're all rated arrrrr.
  • How much does it cost to hire a deer? A buck.
  • How did police catch the thief who robbed an Apple store? There was an iWitness.
  • Why did the coffee cup file a police report? It got mugged.
  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Thankfully, someone woke her up.
  • What kind of scientists avoid the sun? Paleontologists.
Funny Jokes
  • Why did the financial planner quit his job? He was losing interest.
  • Did you hear about the guy who decided to hang mirrors for a living? It's something he could see himself doing.
  • Why do frogs like playing baseball? They're good at catching fly balls.
  • How did Noah sail his ark at night? Using floodlights.
  • How do lumberjacks know how many trees they’ve cut down? They keep a log.
  • Why are sports stadiums so cold? Too many fans.
Funny Jokes
  • Where do cows get their clothes? From cattle-logs.
  • What kind of socks should you buy a bear? None. They prefer to go barefoot.
  • How do honeybees get to school? On the buzz.
  • Why did Darth Vader go to the dermatologist? He had Star Warts.
  • Did you hear about the light that got arrested? It went to prism.
  • Why did the beach get embarrassed? Because it noticed the sea weed.
  • I'm obsessed with telling airport jokes. My doctor says it's a terminal problem.
Funny Jokes

Funny jokes for adults

  • I was going to tell you a joke about sodium, but then I thought, "Na."
  • What's a pirate's favorite subject in school? Arrrr-t.
  • Did you hear about the killer whale that learned to play the flute? He wanted to be in the orca-stra.
  • What do you call a crocodile that's always causing trouble? An insta-gator.
  • I think I'm addicted to cheese. Don't worry, it's only mild.
Funny Jokes
  • What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
  • Why shouldn't you trust trees? They can be a little shady.
  • Why didn't the skeleton go skydiving? He didn't have the guts.
  • If you find out when fishing season begins, let minnow!
  • What's the best way to make an octopus laugh? With ten-tickles.
  • Why did the frog take the bus to work? His car got toad.
Funny Jokes
  • Why did the man name his puppy "Timex"? He wanted a watchdog.
  • Why did the pony eat a cough drop? It was a little horse.
  • What do mermaids wear under their shirts? Algae-bras.
  • What did the salmon say after hitting a wall? "Dam!"
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit card.
  • Did you hear about the gardener who was excited for spring? She wet her plants.
Funny Jokes
  • What gift did the dentist get upon retiring? A little plaque.
  • Why are barbers always on time? They know a lot of shortcuts.
  • What do bananas wear around the house? Slippers.
  • Why did the spoon quit his job? He was going stir-crazy.
  • I told a bad chemistry joke once. It didn't get much of a reaction.
  • What did the pirate say at his 80th birthday party? "Aye, Matey!"
Funny Jokes
  • Why shouldn't you play hide-and-seek at a hospital? You'll always be found in the ICU.
  • Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
  • Why are elephants so wrinkled? No one knows how to iron them.
  • How many skunks does it take to make a stink? Just a phew.
Funny Jokes
  • What did one vampire say to the other? "Is that you coffin?"
  • When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot.
  • Why don't insects get sick? They have anty-bodies.
  • Did you hear about the guy who deposited his watch at the bank? He wanted to save time.
  • What's a donut's favorite song? "Cruller Summer."
Funny Jokes
  • Why do chickens have a lot of parties? They enjoy hen-tertaining.
  • Why did the pigs move? They were living in a high-grime neighborhood.
  • I just had the dentist pull out all my teeth. I'm never doing that again.
  • Why don't seashells take baths? Because they wash up on the beach.
  • Why shouldn't you trust jungle animals? They're always lion.
Funny Jokes
  • What do fish use to buy groceries? Sand dollars.
  • Did you hear about the robbery at the glue factory? It was a stickup.
  • Why did the suspenders go to jail? They held up a pair of pants.
  • Why don't mountains ever get cold? They have snowcaps.

Funny knock-knock jokes

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Barry. Barry who? Barry nice to meet you.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida big lunch and now I'm full.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Iona. Iona who? Iona car. Do you?
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Ash. Ash who?! Need a tissue?
Funny Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more knock-knock jokes?
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Impatient duck. Impatient duck ... QUACK!
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Barbie. Barbie who? Barbie-cue is my favorite.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub, bathtime is over.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Birds. Birds who? No, but owls do.
Funny Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in!
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Alison. Alison who? Alison Wonderland.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know who I am by now.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Norma Lee. Norma Lee who? Norma Lee I don't tell a lot of knock-knock jokes.
Funny Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel know when you open the door.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Pooch. Pooch who? Pooch your coat on, it's chilly out.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Weed. Weed who? Weed make a cute couple. Let's go out!
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Appeal. Appeal who? Appeal is what you find on a banana.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Catsup. Catsup who? Catsup in a tree, better get a ladder.
Funny Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Genoa. Genoa who? Genoa good barber? I need a haircut.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Hank. Hank who? Oh, you're welcome!
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Needle. Needle who? Needle little loan, I'm short on cash this month.
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday to you!