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125 corny jokes for kids and adults that are so bad, they're good

These dad jokes, funny puns and one-liners will have 'em rolling in the aisles.

Did you hear the one about the book that joined the police department? It wanted to go undercover.

What about the horse who tripped? He called out for help, saying, "I've fallen and I can't giddy up!"

OK, OK, you can stop throwing tomatoes now. But, since we're on the subject, why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.

We could go on all day telling some of the best corny jokes, because while they're utterly atrocious, these one-liners are also pretty genius, if we do say so ourselves.

After all, there's nothing like a dad joke or knock-knock to give everyone a bad case of the giggles and while they might be dumb, they're are also totally addicting.

In fact, bad jokes might be the only thing on earth that actually get better the more terrible they are.

If you agree, then you've come to the right place, because we've collected the best of the worst corny jokes for kids, adults, friends, family and anyone else who appreciates a chuckle now and again.

These gems are so classic, we wouldn't be surprised to hear them at the next open mic night. But even if you're just stockpiling them to break the awkward silence at the next holiday gathering or using one to brighten someone's day, these funny puns will get the job done.

And, we swear, that's no joke.

Corny one-liners

  • Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected foul play.
  • When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
  • What did one avocado say to the other? You guac my world.
Corny Jokes
  • I used to own a taser. It was stunning.
  • I don't like facial hair, but it's starting to grow on me.
  • Once I ate a fancy Italian restaurant. It cost a pretty penne.
  • What happens when doctors get mad? They lose their patients.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  • What did the roof say to the shingle? This one's on the house.
  • Did you hear about the evil hen? It lays deviled eggs.
  • Why was the broom late to work? It over-swept.
Corny Jokes
  • Where do cows go on date night? The moo-vies.
  • I once bought a broken guitar. No strings attached.
  • How do astronomers propose? They planet.
  • How do you make an eggroll? Push it.
  • What kind of witch likes to go to the beach? A sandwich.
  • What's a pirate's favorite letter? The "C."
  • What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
  • What do you call a medieval lamp? A knight light.
Corny Jokes
  • What's the best way to watch a fishing show? Live stream.
  • Two radios got married. The reception was amazing.
  • What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.
  • I saw someone at the bank checking their balance. So, I pushed them over.
  • How does Darth Vader prefer his toast? On the dark side.
  • What did the horse say after he tripped? I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

Corny jokes that are actually funny

  • Why can’t you borrow money from elves? They’re always short.
  • What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Corny Jokes
  • Why do cows wear bells? Their horns don’t work.
  • Why did the bank robber wash his clothes before escaping? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
  • What do you call a hat for your leg? Kneecap.
  • What do you call an automobile filled with water? A car-pool.
  • How do trains listen? With their engine-ears.
  • What goes up and down but never moves? Stairs.
  • How does a train eat? It choo-choos.
  • How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
  • What did one egg say to the other? You crack me up.
  • What’s a zucchini’s favorite sport? Squash.
Corny Jokes
  • What’s a cucumber’s favorite sport? Pickleball.
  • Why do ghosts ride elevators? It lifts their spirits.
  • What did the envelope say to the stamp? Stick with me and you’ll go places.
  • Why did the girl jump up and down before pouring her juice? The carton said to “Shake well before drinking.”
  • Why shouldn’t you use a dull pencil? Because it’s pointless.
  • A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
  • Why don’t leopards play hide-and-seek? They’re always spotted.
  • Why don’t ants get sick? They have anty-bodies.
  • How do you put a spaceship to sleep? You rocket.
  • What do you need to cook an alligator? A croc-pot.

Corny jokes for kids

  • Why couldn’t the bike stand up? It was two-tired.
  • What did the ocean say to the sad seaweed? Sea kelp.
Corny Jokes
  • Where does Wonder Woman go shopping? At the supermarket.
  • What kind of shoes do breadsticks wear? Loafers.
  • Why can’t noses be longer than 12 inches? Because they’d be a foot.
  • What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
  • Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.
  • What’s the best way to catch a school of fish? With bookworms.
  • How do you make a hotdog stand? Take away its chair.
  • What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July? A fire-quacker.
  • What do sea monsters eat for dinner? Fish and ships.
  • How do Eskimos repair broken dishes? With igloo.
Corny Jokes
  • Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
  • Why did the queen go to the dentist? To get crowns on her teeth.
  • What did Benjamin Franklin say after discovering electricity? I’m shocked!
  • What did the earthquake say after it was over? Sorry, my fault!
  • Did you read the book about anti-gravity? You can’t put it down.
  • What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.
  • Did you hear about the spaghetti in disguise? It's an impasta.
  • What do you call cheese that belongs to someone else? Nacho cheese.  
  • What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.
  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crumby.

Corny jokes for adults

  • What did the doctor say to the patient who wanted to do his own anesthetic? Knock yourself out!
  • Did you hear about the Italian cook who had an accident? He pasta way.
Corny Jokes
  • What did the quilt saying after falling off the bed? Oh, sheet!
  • What do you call it when you can’t take off your bra? A booby trap.
  • What did the therapist say to the man wearing see-through shorts? I can clearly see you’re nuts.
  • Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers.
  • How do you know when a pepper is mad? It gets jalapeño face.
  • What did the computer say at the end of a long day? I gotta crash.
  • Did you hear about the man paranoid about picnics? He’s a basket case.
  • A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
  • Did you hear about the homicidal oatmeal? It’s a cereal killer.
  • How did the dragon get bronchitis? It smoked knights.
  • What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
Corny Jokes
  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
  • What do you call a pig on a hot day? Bakin.’
  • Did you hear about the chameleon that couldn’t change colors? It had reptile dysfunction.
  • Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
  • What happens when you eat aluminum foil? You sheet metal.
  • Did you hear about the girl who cut off the left side of her body? She’s all right.
  • Why don’t animals play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  • Why can’t anyone write a good drinking song? They can’t get past the first few bars.
  • Did you hear about the deer who won the lottery? It got a million bucks.
  • Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing.
Corny Jokes
  • Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
  • How do you know when a clown breaks wind? Something smells funny.
  • Why shouldn’t you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
  • Why did the fish blush? It saw the ocean’s bottom.
  • Did you hear about the guy who wanted to be a gold prospector? It didn’t pan out.
  • What’s the bad thing about birthdays? Too many will kill you.
  • Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s in the ER waiting to be seen.
  • What did the grape say to the wine after they broke up? "I’m crushed."
  • What kind of award do you give dentist of the year? A little plaque.
  • Did you hear about the coffee robbery? It got mugged.
  • Why did the nurse keep a red pen handy? In case she had to draw blood.
Corny Jokes

Short corny jokes

  • What do you call an indecisive bug? A may-bee.
  • How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
  • What kind of shoes do bananas wear? Slippers.
  • Did you hear the sausage joke? It’s the wurst.
Corny Jokes
  • What kind of band can’t play music? A rubber-band.
  • What do you call a rude cow? Beef jerky.
  • What do you call people who sleep in their socks? Tiny.
  • Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
  • What did one flower say to the other? Hi bud.
  • What do you call a guy who’s always writing out checks? Bill.
Corny Jokes
  • How should you serve smart burgers? On honor rolls.
  • Why is six scared? Because seven ate nine.
  • Did you hear about the tree who watched a scary movie? It was petrified.
  • What causes dry skin? Towels.
  • What should you do with a sick boat? Take it to the doc.
  • I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.
  • Not all math puns are bad, just sum.
Corny Jokes
  • Why did the deer go to the dentist? It had buck teeth.
  • Why shouldn’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.
  • What does a house wear? Address.
  • Why should you avoid trees? They can be shady.