Want to know the best way to get a date for Valentine's Day? Just look at the calendar.
Admit it. Even if this dad joke made you cringe, you still chuckled at least a little bit.
That's because corny jokes, as groan-worthy as they may be, can be funny. Especially on Valentine's Day when you're hustling to buy flowers, filling out cards and hoping to score reservations at your favorite restaurant.
And when you discover that your bistro is booked, shrug it off with a few Valentine's Day jokes — then light some candles and order take-out instead.
Because while you might be out of luck with dinner, we're certain you're going to love this collection of Valentine's Day puns, one-liners and knock-knock jokes that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone.
These so-bad-they’re-good jokes will keep you giggling, no matter how you celebrate the heart-shaped holiday — even if you're single and trying to avoid Valentine's Day at all costs.
Find a favorite? Use one of these short jokes as a Valentine's Day Instagram captions, and we promise your followers will shower you with nothing but Xs and Os.
Best Valentine's Day jokes
- Are you the internet? Because I'm feeling a connection.
- I was wondering why my feet got cold. Then I remembered you knocked my socks off.
- What did the magnet say to the fridge? I find you attractive.
- Did you hear about the love affair between the sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
- What's the best way to get a date for Valentine's Day? Look at a calendar.
- What kind of dinner does Cupid eat? A heart-y one.
- What do astronauts say to their sweethearts? I love you to the moon and back.
- Who’s Cupid’s favorite rock band? Heart.
- What’s Cupid’s favorite candy? Hershey’s Kisses.
- Why was the ghost sad on Valentine’s Day? He didn’t have a boo.
- Why does Cupid like lettuce? It’s got a heart.
- What did one pig say to the other? Don’t go bacon my heart.
- What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Tonight, dinner’s on me.
- Did you hear about the two radios that got married? The reception was amazing.
- What’s a bread loaf’s favorite song? “All You Knead is Love.”
- Did you hear about the spider wedding? Yes, they’re newly-webs.
- Did you hear about the vampire wedding? It was love at first bite.
- What did the grizzly say to the panda? You are beary special to me.
- What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts
- What do olives say to each other on Valentine’s Day? Olive you.
- What did the graham cracker say to the marshmallow? I love you s’more and s’more each day.
- What did one whale say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I whale always love you.
- What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.
- How did the telephone propose? With a ring.
- Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? They'll dessert you.
- What did one tomato say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
Pun-filled Valentine's Day jokes
- How do astronomers propose on Valentine's Day? They planet.
- What did the acorn say to the tree? I’m fallin’ for you.
- What did the thread say to the needle? I’m sew into you.
- What did one yardstick say to the other? We be-long together.
- What did one lamp say to the other? You light up my life.
- What did one banana say to the other? You’ve got appeal.
- What did one flea say to the other? You’re dyna-mite.
- What did one toad say to the other? Never frog-et how much I love you.
- What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
- What one cantaloupe say to the other? You’re one in a melon.
- What did the latte say to the espresso? We are meant to bean.
- What did one popsicle say to the other? You make me melt.
- What did one recliner say to the other? I chair-ish you.
- What did one hotdog say to the other? You’re a real weiner!
- What did one light bulb say to the other? I love you watts and watts.
- Why did the astronaut couple break up? They needed space.
- What did the purse say to the handbag? I never want to leave your side.
- What did one puzzle piece say to the other? We fit together.
- What did one scientist say to the other? We’ve got great chemistry.
- What did the pasta say to the tomato? I love it when you get saucy.
- What did one sheep say to the other? Ewe complete me.
Valentine's Day knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Daryl. Daryl who? Daryl never be anyone like you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary me, I love you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bee. Bee who? Bee mine.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya be my Valentine already.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beak. Beak who? Beak careful with my heart.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fur. Fur who? Fur you, I’d do anything.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dough. Dough who? Dough you wish it was Valentine’s Day already?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you to be mine.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Love. Love who? Aw, love you too.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is Valentine’s Day.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter together than apart.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita tell you that I love you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be mine.