Pete Davidson says depression follows him everywhere he goes.
“I’m always depressed, all the time. I have to constantly bring myself out of it,” the comedian told Charlamagne Tha God in a YouTube interview posted Monday. “I wake up depressed, but now I know my steps. I have to go outside and be in sun for a little bit, or go for a walk. It’s all just programming yourself to trick your brain.”
“I hit (rock bottom) all the time,” the “Saturday Night Live” star said.
Davidson said his mental state has alarmed the people close to him, and he relies on them to prop him back up.
“My rock bottom is when people are scared for my life and I have to go away, and then I have to bring myself back up again. I think I’ve hit it a few times. As long as you’re around good, supportive people, and if you’re strong enough, you’ll be able to get out of it,” Davidson said.
“It’s usually, like, I’m doing a little too much shrooms and a little too much acid and having a little too much fun and not sleeping, not taking good care of myself,” he said, referencing his use of psychedelic mushrooms and LSD. “When you don’t sleep and you have a mental illness and you’re doing all this (stuff) … you just go a little nuts.”
Davidson, who addressed his mental health on "SNL" in 2017, also did not shy away from the fact he has contemplated taking his own life.
“I’ve always been suicidal, but I’ve never had the balls, you know,” he said. “Which I’m very lucky. For the first time, when I went away this time, I felt like I had maybe, almost, the balls. Because when you’re not feeling good and you’re going through all this stuff and there’s people at your house in Staten Island, it just really drives you f-- crazy.”
Being a celebrity has also taken a toll, he said.
“I’m much more insecure, much more unsure of myself than I’ve ever been. I’m also just embarrassed. … It sucks, dude. I’m not going to lie. In order for me to go out, I have to plan it,” he said.
But Davidson added that he does find comfort in his work and spending time with his friends.
“It’s the only thing (that helps). I love it. I love writing, I love hanging with my friends, they’re all really funny and cool. It’s the ultimate distraction,” he said.
Davidson’s mental health has been in the spotlight before.
In December 2018, people grew concerned after he wrote an Instagram post, which was later taken down, that indicated he was struggling.
"i’m doing my best to stay here for you but i actually don’t know how much longer i can last," the message said. He later removed his Instagram account altogether.
If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide please call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, text TALK to 741741 or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for more additional resources.