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Is it OK to not feel sexual attraction until you meet 'the one'?

Lust works in mysterious ways. Just ask Kelly Clarkson, who says she never felt sexually attracted to anybody until she met her future husband.
by A. Pawlowski / / Source: TODAY

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Lust works in mysterious ways, even when it seems everybody is obsessed with sex. Just ask Kelly Clarkson.

The singer recently revealed she didn’t feel true sexual attraction until she met her future husband Brandon Blackstock. She first glimpsed him in 2006, but they didn’t start dating until 2012, when she was 30.

“This isn’t a downer to anybody I dated before him, but I’m just going to be real: I never felt like, honesty, sexually attracted to anybody before him,” Clarkson said during private show in New York on Friday, according to People magazine.

“I honestly thought I was asexual… I was just not attracted to people.”

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Experts say it’s normal and common for people not to feel turned on until they meet "the one."

“It’s exactly what happened to me as well,” Tamara Green, a New York psychotherapist, told TODAY. “There really hasn’t been anyone else besides my husband, and I was 36 when we got married.”

Green knows a man who considered himself asexual, but fell in love for the first time at 55. Once you meet "the one," something can happen that doesn’t occur in any other dating or relationship scenario, she said.

Age can also play a role: When you’re in your teens and 20s, you’re typically much more self-focused, Green noted, but once you hit 30, you’re suddenly more emotionally able and available to be open to a connection with someone.

If you’re worried your own sexual path is different:

Remember that sexuality exists on a continuum and different is not the same as abnormal, said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist in West Palm Beach, Florida, and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.

“When it comes to sexuality, there is no ‘normal,’” Needle said. “What we know is that there are people who do not experience sexual attraction unless there is a strong emotional connection.”

Society puts a lot of pressure on people — especially sexually — but everyone has unique sexual expressions and preferences, Needle added.

Work towards understanding and accepting yourself, she advised. If you’re worried by any aspect of your sexuality, including lack of sexual attraction towards others, it may be helpful to consult a psychologist who specializes in sexuality to understand the underlying causes of your feelings and find out if there is more going on.

Green said she simply believes life unfolds exactly the way it’s supposed to.

“Go about your life, live fully, live with joy and it’s going to come around,” she said. “For people who don’t feel a sexual spark with anyone now — more than likely, they will.”

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