Are you ready? What to ask yourself before deciding he's the one

What to Ask Yourself Before Deciding He's the One
What to Ask Yourself Before Deciding He's the OneSuperStock/Getty Images / Today

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By Susan Swimmer

1. Does he think he's a lucky guy?

You'd like to think that he is a man who understands that life is made up of part luck and part hard work, and that both elements will affect him at some point. A man who thinks himself lucky in any way is someone who radiates gratitude, which in turn creates an aura of joyousness. And that's all good. But what really matters is that, at the very least, he is a man who feels wildly fortunate to have you in his life, because a guy who feels that way will make sure you know you're adored. And how lucky is that?

2. Are his little faults things you can handle?

Everyone is bugged by something. Does he drink directly from the carton? Hang sweaty clothes on the bathroom door? Stockpile old newspapers? Say no more. Ladies, there will always be habits that could drive you batty enough to head for the door, if you let them. But accepting someone, little faults and all, is part of love. You've got to think big picture here: Don't let his habit of rattling ice in a glass cloud your vision of a man who's caring, respectful, honest and loving. And that's to say nothing of the fact that you crack your knuckles and leave half-empty coffee cups all over the house.

3. Can you name the parts of you that he finds
most beautiful?

If you know right now, without asking, that he loves the small of your back, or the way your belly sort of bulges when you lie on your side, or that your cheeks are the softest part of your face, then he must have told you more than once. And that's a beautiful thing.

4. Would he take the last sip of milk for his morning coffee?

Even in a sleep-deprived, late-for-work, barely-able-to-select-a-tie stupor, the man who leaves you the last splash of milk for your coffee is a man who understands consideration. If he thinks to take your needs into account when it comes to all of life's little "I'm thinking of you" gestures, then he probably knows what they add up to.

5. Can he keep a secret?

Not all secrets are the same, and we all know that. Some are meant to be told and others are meant to be taken to the grave. That you got drunk one night might be a secret that gets told in the form of a funny story. That you have an STD might be one you'd like to take to the grave. What's most important is that the two of you categorize secrets, both large and small, in the same way.

6. Do you know how much money
he has?

Not to the penny, but a ballpark figure. And here's the catch: You should know because the two of you have discussed it openly and honestly, not because you surreptitiously accessed his computer files while he was grilling out back.

7. Has he seen you when you're at
your worst?

Worse than no makeup. Beyond bad hair. We're talking about the really evil side of you that's a brutal cocktail of bitter depression, stunning irritability and Olympic-level bitchiness. It's the you that nobody should be subjected to. You know the you we're talking about here. Yes, that one. If he's seen that you and he can handle it without calling 911, then he may be a keeper.

8. Does he kiss you firmly?

A listless, uncommitted kiss is like a limp, clammy handshake (nice to meet you, sort of). Even the most gentle, tender kiss needs to feel like it knows where it's going.

9. Does he wear a seatbelt?

Wearing a seatbelt is a tiny gesture that says he cares about himself and his well-being. Like eating vegetables. Or wearing sunscreen. Takes a minute, lasts a lifetime.

10. Is he fun?

A fun man is someone who enjoys life. He laughs at jokes, enjoys a good meal, finds entertainment and dances when the mood strikes. There's a certain youthful lightness to a man who's fun, because he knows how to live in the moment—he takes a good look at his surroundings, sees the potential, and partakes of the possibilities. Now that sounds like fun.

Reprinted with permission from Is He the One? 101 Questions That Will Lead You to the Truth, Whatever That Is. Copyright © 2004 by Susan Swimmer, Andrews McMeel Publishing, Kansas City, MO.

A version of this story originally appeared on iVillage.