You don’t want to be rude,but sometimes questioners aren’t as considerate, asking questions that you shouldn’t have to answer! Short of fleeing the room every time you see one of these overly curious folks coming, what to do? “Don’t let their nosiness get you down,” says Melissa Leonard, an etiquette coach in Westchester, New York. Generally, it helps to anticipate personal questions and formulate canned answers that contain the information you are willing to share. Certain questions require candor, others wit — and some don’t have to be answered at all. Here, ideas for how to respond politely to a few uncomfortable queries.
An extended-family member asks when you’re going to have another baby.
TRY THIS: “Questions about one’s most personal plans do not have to be answered with full disclosure,” says Susan Fitter, founder of the etiquette-consultancy firm Global Manners. Depending on your relationship with the offending party, an appropriate response may be direct, such as, “I know you’re asking this because you care, but it’s very personal and we’ve decided to keep it private.” Or you can try something gentler, such as, “We have no clue about another baby. We’re so busy these days, we just can’t think beyond the moment!”
AVOID mentioning specifics, such as the fact that you’re weighing whether you can afford another baby. It will only encourage the meddler to continue the conversation.
A neighbor who likes to copy everything you do asks for the name and number of the paint you used in your new kitchen.
TRY THIS: Dealing with chronic copycats can be tricky because they’re often completely unaware of what they’re doing. Fitter suggests responding with generalities. Try, “It’s Sherwin-Williams paint, and I didn’t write down the details, but you can probably find something similar at Home Depot!”
AVOID getting too territorial. It may make it easier for you to feel gracious about sharing your sources if you take a moment to remember how many times you’ve “borrowed” a friend’s crafty idea for a baby-shower gift or table centerpiece. “After all, what does it matter where the idea came from?” Leonard points outs. She adds, jokingly: “You probably read it in a magazine, which doesn’t make you the Chris Columbus of innovative ideas.”
A co-worker asks why you’ve been missing so many days recently or what the boss wanted to see you about.
TRY THIS: Opt for a short-and-sweet response, says Leonard, since acting mysterious or secretive will only cause more idle chatter. Say something like, “Oh, it is so nice of you to be concerned, but everything is fine,” or, “Thanks for checking up, but we were just reviewing the project I’ve been working on.”
AVOID revealing anything that you don’t want discussed at the watercooler or that could get you in trouble with your boss (such as that you’re job hunting).
Someone asks how much you paid for your car, house or recent vacation.
TRY THIS: Nosy money questions are so rude that almost any polite shutdown is fair game. Try, “I’ve purposely forgotten!” Letitia Baldrige, author of “New Manners for New Times,” also suggests this go-to line: “I only know that whatever I paid, it was far too much, and whatever I earn, it’s far too little.”
AVOID giving an exact number. Leonard says that doing so may open a hornet’s nest later on if your friend asks you for money or if you buy her a gift (“Well, she could afford that car, but she skimped on my gift!”).
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