Q. My best friend is a guy, and people always commented about us being interested in each other — which was untrue. I always told him I wanted to be friends, and nothing more. But NOW I'm regretting that. I really love him, and I want us to be romantic partners. How do I fix this? —More than Friends
Dear More than Friends,
Things were going fine — until you decided to change the script from platonic friendship to sexual partnership. While you erroneously believe you can “fix this,” it’s not a “fix” you need. You really want to expand on what is already there.
Lasting love must begin with friendship, and you already have that nailed. If you say nothing to your friend, your torment will continue. If you share your feelings, your guy might run. Yet, people do tend to reflect each other’s vibes. So if you’re feeling the heat, perhaps he’s feeling it, too.
Test that possibility. Flirt, smile, and ask him, “What if you and I were to become an item?” Observe his reaction very carefully. It will tell you how to proceed. —Dr. Gilda
Q: My first love from 30 years ago found me on Facebook, and we have been talking for almost a year. The problem is, he has a live-in girlfriend of 20 years. He says he’s unhappy and wants to leave her, but I feel if he truly wanted to end things, he would have done so already. He tells me to be patient, and that he loves me. Should I give him extra time to end things with her, or do I give up on re-uniting with my first love? We have become so close again, and want the same things in life and love. I want a happy ending, but am I being foolish in love? —Loving Memories
Dear Loving Memories,
There’s obviously something in your DNA that craves drama. Lothario has been with his live-in lover for 20 years, despite being “unhappy.” Where’s my violin? You ask why he hasn’t “already” left her for you. I ask why he hadn’t left her before he re-met you!
Your “first love” is a wimp, fearful of life on his own. Cunningly, he showers you with memories of your youth — and nothing more. “Be patient”? Really? For another 30 years?
Girlfriend, you don’t really KNOW this man-child. “Talking” to him and “being” with him are two very different states. Examine your need to convert “make-believe” into an impossible reality. You want a “happy ending”? Read a fairy tale! —Dr. Gilda
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Dr. Gilda Carle is the relationship expert to the stars. She is a professor at New York’s Mercy College and has written 15 books; her latest is “Don’t Bet on the Prince!”