Those who watch this space know that Brach's Turkey Dinner Flavored Candy Corn is not precisely a new invention. Released in 2020, it followed on the heels of such Brach's classics as Brunch Favorites and candy corn co-ops like Chuck E. Cheese's candy corn pizza.
But this year, with the return of Turkey Dinner Candy Corn 2.0, Brach's attracted a new customer in dietitian Heather Martin … and her Facebook review of what it was like to try out each and every flavor in the bag is not only hilarious, it's gone viral, with nearly 1,000 shares and thousands of reactions on Facebook since she posted it on Oct. 6.
"Aaaallllllll of y’all owe me for taking one for the team," she writes in the post. "When you open the bag, you’ll smell only the coffee ones. This is a transparent and deliberate attempt to lull you into a false sense of security. Don’t be a sucker."
The next several hundred words completely eviscerate the candy, which comes in several flavors: Green Beans, Roasted Turkey, Cranberry Sauce, Stuffing, Apple Pie and Coffee. (Fans of Ginger Glazed Carrots, which were part of last year's batch, should note that flavor is gone.)
The "most offensive" one, though, is the Green Bean flavor, which is definitely not green bean casserole, Martin assures us. "No umami here. Raw, unholy green in flavor as well as color, with a single, one-note foghorn taste, like mowing the lawn with your mouth open."
She has more to say on that topic, comparing the taste of the "unforgivable" green beans to "If you left a cup of green tea on the porch in bad weather for a week, during which time it attained sentience and promptly began plotting your demise, and you hate green tea, that’s what this tastes like."
As for the turkey? "It is disturbingly, hauntingly like candied turkey. Wrong on every level."
And the stuffing one, she says, "is by far the worst flavor. It is appalling … I’ve met voodoo dolls with less evil intent."
Despite that, the real worst violation to Martin is that three of the flavors look alike, writing, "There is a special place in hell for whoever decided to make 3 of the flavors so similar in color. In a just world, this person would die alone surrounded by ugly pink floral wallpaper, after a lifetime of petty disappointments, with the sounds of a super fun and fashionable party absolutely everyone else was invited to drifting across the street."
Now, don't think because Martin, a Central Texas-based mom-of-two whose husband is a chemistry professor, is a registered dietitian that she hates all candy. "Moderation is helpful and having something you think of as treats will help you stick to your dietary plan," she told TODAY Food. "Candy and chocolate is delicious — candy corn is not delicious."
In fact, she applauds Brach's for being willing to go there with strange and scary flavors. "It's the candy version of turkey dinner sodas, or Christmas-flavored ones, like the ones Jones Soda makes."
Asked for a comment, a Brach's representative told TODAY, "We’re the No.1 producer of candy corn and our Brach's brand is iconic for selling the classic since the 1950s. We’re always innovating with trends, fun flavors and coming up with new ways to get consumers excited about the season and candy corn — which is known for being a hot topic for debate. As polarizing as it is, Turkey Dinner Candy Corn flew off Walgreens shelves quickly last year as we had so many who were curious to try this new flavor."
And she's convinced that this all has to be a prank, maybe to get some attention drawn to the brand — Martin does love Brach's nougat, for example. "My compliments to the chef," she said. "It absolutely (has to be a prank) but it's also fun if it isn't."
Even if it's not, though, Martin suggests that despite it being pegged to Thanksgiving, this is actually the perfect candy for Halloween, when you want to trick your guests. In the review, she suggests, "Everyone should get a bag. Set them out in a nice, inviting bowl, and don't say a word."
Despite her harsh review, she ultimately awarded the candy "Five stars."
"I'm thrilled that so many people are getting joy out of (the review)," she said. "It's been a dark year and a half. I'll take it!"