We are writing in response to the latest episode of "The Kardashians," in which one of your stars, a 26-year-old named Kendall Jenner, is struggling with basic kitchen skills.
To wit, she is unable to slice a cucumber.
As we are informed that Ms. Jenner is personally worth around $45 million, we applaud her attempts to be a salt-of-the-earth regular person, and not actually hire someone specifically for this singular kitchen duty. After all, we are well aware that the rich and famous are diligent in their extensive use of cucumbers, from placing them over the eyes to dicing them into salads and sometimes tossing them into plain water.
And so we are dismayed and surprised that Ms. Jenner appears to have never encountered such a useful and versatile vegetable before. She is startled at how many seeds are contained inside of one!
"Do you want the chef to make you a snack?" Kris Jenner asks her daughter in the clip, to which she replies: "I’m making it myself. I’ve just got to chop up some cucumber, it’s pretty easy."
"Okay, you go girl," her mother replies, as the camera zooms in on Jenner awkwardly holding the knife and cucumber. (We think she just needs to hold the cucumber on the left side of her knife.)
We are voicing our concern and urge you to insist that she take some remedial kitchen training. After all, she is a woman of note and stature with much influence over her peers. Declining such culinary education should lead to a revoking of her knife-wielding license. Because based on how she's (not) cutting up that cucumber, we are concerned she might put an eye out.
Nor are we alone in our concerns, but as the matter involves some urgency we have skipped over the requisite drive for petition signatures and gone straight to Twitter. Here is just a sample of the concern expressed by followers of Ms. Jenner and her family:
"Watching Kendall Jenner cut a cucumber was the best part of the newest Kardashians episode," wrote one user.
"Obsessed with Kendall Jenner trying to prove she's not an out of touch spoiled rich girl by insisting on making her own snack and almost dislocating her shoulder trying to slice a cucumber," noted another user.
"Watching Kendall Jenner cut a cucumber is one of the most painful things I've ever seen," added someone else.
"Will never be able to unsee Kendall Jenner's insane attempt to cut a cucumber," wrote another person.
And yet another person resorted to a full-capital-letter shout with her own fears: "NO WHY IS KENDALL CUTTING THE CUCUMBER LIKE THIS."
Ms. Jenner even called her own technique “tragic!” in response to a tweet about it.
Hulu, we know you are the source of quality entertainment that seeks to educate and enlighten your audiences. You are the home of "The Handmaid's Tale," for goodness' sake. Please, take heed of our cries to help Ms. Kendall Jenner out. You have the power. You can make the world a better place.
And it will decrease your audience's need to take antacids after every "Kardashians" episode.
A concerned viewer