I'm sorry to be a Grinch, but the most ubiquitous type of cookie this time of year is also the worst. Sugar cookies are stupid and I don't understand why they exist.
They are not chocolaty.
They are not fruity.
They don't have a crumbly, warmly-spiced streusel on top for texture.
They are not gooey.
They aren't even especially crispy.
They have nothing worth getting excited for when I see them lying on a plate in the office conference room, at a Hanukkah dinner or a Christmas party.
They think they're sneaky because sometimes they're covered in royal icing so they look like ornaments but flat?
Royal icing is the sugar cookie of frosting. Also a waste of space.
I'm going to a non-denominational cookie swap this weekend, and I'm bringing these Molasses Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies. They are chocolaty and gooey and warmly spiced. Plus, the recipe taught me a very neat trick that explains why certain bakery cookies look so tantalizing: You tap the top of each cookie with the back of a spoon when they come out of the oven, so instead of being hidden inside, the melted chocolate forms a sexy little puddle you can see. Mind. Blown.
I find a reason to make these Molasses Triple Chocolate Cookies every year during the holidays because they are insanely popular. Now, friends, you can understand why I would be worried that multiple people at the cookie swap will bring sugar cookies and I will be forced to trade my amazing cookies for their pieces of cardboard masquerading as sweets. I know this is inevitable, because for some insane reason, people continue to pretend that sugar cookies are good. When this happens I will be forced to take a deep breath and bring up something uncontroversial, like politics.
I like to think that if all cookie temptations were limited to sugar cookies, I would have the willpower of a very different woman. Ariana Grande, perhaps. "Thank u, next ... cookie."
If you need some non-sugar-cookie cookie ideas for the holidays, we've got you covered: