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Sorry to be a Grinch, but sugar cookies are the worst cookies

The most ubiquitous type of cookie this time of year, the sugar cookie, is also the worst.
Sugar cookies
A holiday delight or disgrace?Getty Images
/ Source: TODAY

I'm sorry to be a Grinch, but the most ubiquitous type of cookie this time of year is also the worst. Sugar cookies are stupid and I don't understand why they exist.

They are not chocolaty.

They are not fruity.

They don't have a crumbly, warmly-spiced streusel on top for texture.

They are not gooey.

They aren't even especially crispy.

They have nothing worth getting excited for when I see them lying on a plate in the office conference room, at a Hanukkah dinner or a Christmas party.

They think they're sneaky because sometimes they're covered in royal icing so they look like ornaments but flat?


Royal icing is the sugar cookie of frosting. Also a waste of space.

I'm going to a non-denominational cookie swap this weekend, and I'm bringing these Molasses Triple Chocolate Chip Cookies. They are chocolaty and gooey and warmly spiced. Plus, the recipe taught me a very neat trick that explains why certain bakery cookies look so tantalizing: You tap the top of each cookie with the back of a spoon when they come out of the oven, so instead of being hidden inside, the melted chocolate forms a sexy little puddle you can see. Mind. Blown.

I find a reason to make these Molasses Triple Chocolate Cookies every year during the holidays because they are insanely popular. Now, friends, you can understand why I would be worried that multiple people at the cookie swap will bring sugar cookies and I will be forced to trade my amazing cookies for their pieces of cardboard masquerading as sweets. I know this is inevitable, because for some insane reason, people continue to pretend that sugar cookies are good. When this happens I will be forced to take a deep breath and bring up something uncontroversial, like politics.

Sugar Cookies

I like to think that if all cookie temptations were limited to sugar cookies, I would have the willpower of a very different woman. Ariana Grande, perhaps. "Thank u, next ... cookie."

But chocolate chip, gingerbread, or peanut butter? Those have no chance of surviving me. They make the holiday season bright, and I thank them for their service.

If you need some non-sugar-cookie cookie ideas for the holidays, we've got you covered:

Dylan's Aunt Tillie's Christmas Cookies