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Kale candy canes are here to ruin Christmas — and everything else

Did anybody ask for this? We don't think so.
Kale Candy Canes
Courtesy Archie McPhee
/ Source: TODAY

For anybody with a sweet tooth who is completely over traditional candy canes, there's a new flavor hitting store shelves ahead of the holidays that will really give your taste buds a kick ... or just make you gag.

Archie McPhee, a novelty candy and funny toy emporium, is getting into the holiday spirit early — like really, really early — this year. Last year, the Seattle-based company caused an uproar on social media with its Mac & Cheese Candy Canes, but clearly that wasn't enough. In 2019, it's got something far worse than coal for all the naughty girls and boys out there.

Meet the world's first kale-flavored candy canes.

Kale Candy Canes
Anyone hankering for a lick of kale with no nutritional value can hurry over to for an earthy taste of the holiday season.Courtesy Archie McPhee

"When it came time for us to make a candy cane, we opted for (the) superfood kale! While this candy cane might not have the nutritional value of actual kale, it does share the delicious flavor we've all come to love," David Wahl, Archie McPhee's Director of Awesome, told TODAY Food.

Yes, that's Wahl's official title. But does the candy really taste like the nutritious leafy green?

Wahl vouched for the quirky canes actually boasting a flavor that's "sweet, grassy ... with a bit of a bitter note." Sounds like the real deal to us.

He added that consumers shouldn't be fooled by the minty-looking hue of the new candy, however.

"We do want to warn people that the green color of the candy cane might lead someone to believe that it has a minty flavor. We wouldn't want anyone to be fooled into eating one accidentally," he said.

The package of green-and-white striped candy canes also has a fun, humanlike kale character on it, which will hopefully warn shoppers as to what's really inside.

If the release of veggie canes wasn't enough to get people rolling with laughter (or disgust), Archie McPhee also launched two more cringeworthy flavors this year: pizza-flavored candy canes and ham — the latter of which the company has dubbed "Hamdy Canes."

Be very afraid because Hamdy Canes exist.
Be very afraid because Hamdy Canes exist.Courtesy of Archie McPhee

Anyone else having flashbacks to that ice cream created with Hellmann's mayo, or maybe even Rachel's infamous Thanksgiving meat trifle on "Friends?"

"The Hamdy Canes taste disturbingly like ham with a sweet glaze," Wahl told TODAY, while the "pizza candy canes taste like pizza herbs with a cheesy richness."

Each pack of six canes retails for $6.50. That's pricier than a bushel of kale, but it's cheaper than a lot of large pies or a sweet holiday ham.

For those really looking to play a little trick-or-treat this Halloween, Hamdy Canes, pizza canes and kale canes all certainly sound like they'll deliver on the trick.