The National Lampoon Sports Minute (Or So)

Published: September 21, 2007, 12:00 am

Written by Steve Hofstetter, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Ryan Murphy, Elliot Steingart, and Chris Strait Division III Sul Ross State University suited up a 59-year-old linebacker. And he was still better than everyone at Notre Dame. How bad is Notre Dame football? They’ve changed their name from The Fighting Irish to The Fighting French. Notre Dame is so bad that on Sunday, they held an emergency practice and lost. Tiger Woods will take an extended break to spend time with his new daughter, who is already a better golfer than Michelle Wie. The Phoenix Mercury won their first WNBA championship, by beating both WNBA teams that haven’t yet folded. In an equally exciting story, I stubbed my toe earlier. Major League Baseball hopes to have a blood test available next season that will catch players using human growth hormone. That sound you hear is Barry Bonds retiring. Bonds could conceivably pass the test - assuming it didn’t work on cold-blooded players. White Sox

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