Republican in “heterosexual” sex scandal

Published: September 9, 2009, 5:01 pm

OLD GLORY HOLE, The Castro, Wednesday (NNN) — Michael Duvall, California Republican state assemblyman representing Orange County, has resigned his seat after being caught vividly describing lewd details about his trysts with a female lobbyist. Duvall has insisted he is “not sexual” and that the female lobbyist he spoke of is “really a guy”. “I made up all of these stories! I have two children, so I’ve had sex, uh, that’d be twice. We get married and we only think about money from then on. I swear.” Republican groups are outraged at the scandal. “If you’re going to break God’s covenant, do it good and hard,” said the Rev Ted Haggard. “None of this pussy-footing around. Geddit? See what I did there?” Gay groups welcomed the scandal, having long begged conservative politicians, ministers and commentators to, for the love of God, stop being gay. “Bathroom gropers,” said spokesfag Elle

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