George Costanza Would Never Stoop To This

Published: July 26, 2007, 11:01 am

George Costanza was many things. A liar, a chucker, an eater of garbage, maybe a murderer, a holder of grudges, a stickler for accurate Trivial Pursuit answers about invaders of Spain, bulbous-headed, a believer of backing into parking spaces, a rageaholic, neurotic, stingy, an enjoyer of pinkish hued cheeks, Body Suit Man, Latvian orthodox, a porn star named Buck Naked, a faux-architect, the author of an off-off-Broadway play, a man who cheats to win masturbation contests, one-time hand model, the winter "Fragile" Frankie Merman, Art Vandelay, saver of whales, speaker of Portugese, lover of Bosco and, most importantly, the assistant to the traveling secretary of the New York Yankees. But he wasn't, to the best of our knowledge anyway, a tax cheat. The Yankees are missing that perverse bit of honesty in a life that depended on lies today because their traveling secretary has been placed on administrative leave while the IRS investigates charges of tax evasion. David

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